The Curious Incidents of a Girl

2011-02-02T11:50:00.002+07:00

i thought about moving back to thailand and that maybe it might not be too bad. maybe i can do a lot more things that i'm interested in than being in singapore - like taking up those guitar lessons again, learning french at alliance francaise since it'll be cheaper, being with my family and dog, taking art classes, who knows, maybe i'll even get married and have a family. maybe it'll make me buy a house, or a condo, so that i can live in it.

listening to explosions in the sky always makes me emotional, but maybe that's a good thing. coz maybe i'm listening to my heart more.

2010-09-29T00:36:00.003+07:00

i hate how one person can easily change your mood. that's the thing, one person shouldn't have that affect on me. it's annoying. well i guess in the first place i shouldn't have expectations in the first place. like if i msg someone i shouldn't have expectations or care that the person's gonna reply back. i know it's petty. such a small thing. and i don't like explaining myself. i know it's not easy to understand me if i don't, or even if i do try people are still kinda lost anyhow.

anyway, listening to music helps me get to a better mood. or it makes me drop deeper into whatever mood i'm in. so if i'm sad i can even get sadder. but it's crazy i know but that feeling of sadness is something i want to hang onto sometimes. i don't know, maybe it keeps reminding me that i'm just not really perfect and that there's still something missing. whatever that is.

i love how i can act one way when i'm with people, like there's nothing wrong (but i guess there is nothing wrong) but when i'm alone this whole feeling of sadness comes flooding back.

i still have that bad habit... i had this relapse probably 2 or 3 times this year. i don't want to get into details. all my old marks are gone though so i'm not sure how. but god when it hits me it's so hard to stop - that time between the impulse and the action... it's so important. i still can't do it.. and i just let it overwhelm me.

there's this quote that really got me you know, he was saying, "it must be tiring to hide all your sadness behind that smile" or something like that. i have to listen to it again. i don't know if it's normal for people to generally do this. do you think people are usually sad? or am i just the one feeling sad.

but love can be pretty painful huh. love is such a great feeling... but man it can really bring you down. unbelievably down.

2010-09-29T00:17:00.002+07:00

seriously it doesn't harm to send a freakin' reply.

2010-09-23T19:33:00.001+07:00

I came home and I forgot about what I wanted to write about completely...

The Pacific Blues

2010-06-30T17:38:00.003+07:00

Currently on a work trip to Papua New Guinea and have been here for about 5 days already. I'll be going back to Singapore tomorrow. I just stepped outside of the hotel today for the first time since I arrived.

Sometimes I just wonder whether life should just be about working 5 days a week for the rest of your life until you retire. It takes up so much time of my life.

When I think about how much time I waste just by going to the office and doing the same thing over and over and over again, I can't help but think that there should be more to life than this. I went to school, went to college, got a job and now make some money. But is this really life? Is this what we're meant to be doing on earth? We have such a short time living and I spend most of my time doing things that are so unimportant. OK I feel that the content of my job itself is pretty fulfilling, but I don't know, there's gotta be something more than living life like this. Everything is just so fixed by society, all the next steps we have to take in life. It's just so exact and ordinary that I want to break out of it.

When I die, I'm not going to be taking anything with me, so even if I save up so much money, what's the point? Sometimes I think that I'd rather just keep moving and explore, make some money along the way just to live by, and just absorb everything that I can see or feel while I can.

2010-05-22T11:59:00.003+07:00

I just canceled meeting up with a colleague of mine today at Ang Mo Kio (she lives around there so she was gonna take me around to eat) coz this morning was pretty gray and rainy, but now it's actually getting better. I can never really tell with weather in Singapore as it's always half day rain - half day sunshine.

Anyway, I'm heading to Chinatown this evening I guess to buy some almond cookies for my mom which she really liked when she visited me a couple of months back. I thought the cookies tasted kind of like card board but hey, if she liked it, OK then. I haven't really eaten around Chinatown since I moved here either so maybe I'll try the Chinese food around there. I'll be flying back to Thailand next Wednesday to visit my family, friends and dog. Things were looking pretty tense there a couple days ago and I was considering if I should be going or not. But things seemed to have calmed down a bit so I'll probably still go.

2010-04-24T10:34:00.001+07:00

"That composure... I'd like to smile like you do," he said.

The man replied, "If you try, you'll find there's nothing stop you."

- House of Five Leaves

Hello Four Months Later

2010-04-10T09:31:00.002+07:00

I'm not completely sure I understand what the implications of moving to Singapore exactly are, but I wanted to do it because I wanted to start something new. I was pretty content living in Thailand but I still wanted to try working abroad and getting out of my comfort zone. No matter what, I think it's good that I moved here. The thrill of moving to a new country still hasn't faded since I was young and although there were some hurdles in the way once I moved here, I think the dusts are settling and I'm beginning to enjoy what life there is to offer here.

I think inside, and sometimes vocally, I grumbled a lot about how things were in the beginning. Like how people are rude and annoying, or how the real estate agents are useless, or how the standards they supposedly set and are so proud of are actually in reality so not practical and a hindrance to getting things done, and not to mention that things are overly expensive here. But I don't know, I guess in the end I just don't want to be that person who complains about it. Sure, I complain still if pens and notebooks aren't completely lined up straight, or if there's paper littered around a table and not stacked up neatly, or if the the plastic bag in the trash can isn't put properly, or if there's clothes hangars hung up outside gathering dust, but I don't want to complain about the bigger things.

My life is here now. And I want to make the most out of it. I want to meet new people, make new friends, experience new things, take up new lessons, and just live and be real to myself and others.

Since last year I had this motto about creating a world I wanted to fall madly in love with, well this year my motto is about just being real. Real in being more expressive about how I feel, real about how I want to live, and what I want to say. I want people to fall in love with the real me, the person who you get to know many months or years later and can put up with, not that person who you meet for a few days and think she's so confident, talkative and friendly. The person everybody likes.

I do love the world I'm living in now, at least much better than two years ago.

2009-12-31T14:57:00.002+07:00

Scribble, scribble...

"People live their lives bound by what they see as 'right' or 'true', that's what they call 'reality'."

"However, 'right' and 'true' are nothing but vague terms. Their reality could turn out to be an illusion. Everyone is living by their own assumptions."

2009-12-28T21:50:00.004+07:00

"Maybe there's a reason why I feel this way."

---

"What made you realize she was special?"
He replied, "Are those questions that need to be answered logically?"
He pauses, "When I became aware of it, I realize she'd always been special to me. I can't even compare her to anyone else."

:)

"Whenever I catch myself, my eyes are on him. I just can't look at anyone else." She said.
"I catch myself thinking about him all the time, and his face always appears in my mind before I go to sleep."
"I've never felt this way about anyone before," she whispered. "So I thought these feelings were something special."

...

2009-12-17T15:55:00.002+07:00

i hate having to think and feel this way when that feeling starts. it's such a shitty feeling and you feel bad for feeling that way also. and the only thing i can probably do best is runaway to singapore so i don't have to cope with it. it's really not a big deal i guess. but i think this feeling could probably be worse than feeling angry or sad or hurt. it's such a shitty feeling to deal with.

2009-11-26T21:12:00.003+07:00

I'm currently in Singapore right now. Gonna be here till December 4th. I am exhausted. I have been working like 12-13 hours everyday and even on weekends sometimes. I'll be glad when this seminar and meeting is over with next week.

I'm trying to get the feeling of how life will be like when I move here in January. I'll most likely be here for the next two years. I kinda don't mind that I don't really know anybody here. In a way I like it because I feel that I can really spend time by myself and kinda do my own thing. I don't think I've ever really gotten used to spending time with myself so I hope that I can do that here.

I'm also trying to bring my dog to Singapore but it sounds so complicated. I'm reading all these stuff online and it's really stressing me out.

Sleepy.

When I reflect back on what I've accomplished over the past year, I think I can say wholeheartedly that I am proud of myself.

But I know I still have issues that I can't really put my hands on and I'm still not really sure how to fix it because I don't understand why I feel that way, if that even makes any sense...

Maybe in Singapore when I have more time on my own I'll finally have time to write that book also.

I like that song All the Right Moves by One Republic.

I like walking down the street in Singapore where nobody knows me and I don't know anybody.

Anyway, I'm looking for apartments tomorrow. I hope I can find a nice place.

Everything is Illuminated

2009-11-02T18:41:00.002+07:00

I love the title of this book.

I just came back from Dhaka, Bangladesh last Thursday and took a day off on Friday to get my toe checked out at the hospital. I slipped off a sidewalk there and scraped my toe during a field visit to a government preschool, it was bleeding more than usual over there and the wound was turning black. Normally I probably wouldn't go to the hospital but being that it was Dhaka and the roads were so dusty and dirtier than Bangkok, I decided to get it cleaned properly just to be safe. So I got a tetanus shot and have to get two more later.

It's Loy Krathong today but I'm not in a festive mood at all. Not that I would normally be joyously celebrating it or anything. I've been feeling pretty blah lately. Blah meaning sometimes sad but I'm not really sure why either. It's weird not really knowing the reasons why I feel sad. Or maybe I do. Maybe one reason is because I'm worried about my mom. It makes me sad every time I think she's going to be alone. I don't like thinking of old people being alone. It really makes me depressed. I still haven't decided yet about whether I'm going. I remember watching Up and it made me so sad.

I also worry about Ginger and her health. I'll try my best to bring her to Singapore.

These days I feel lazy about going out to meet people too. I feel like just staying in. Maybe it's my PSP.

I really like the title, Everything is Illuminated. I don't really know yet the entire meaning behind the title because I haven't finished the book, but it gives me such a hopeful feeling, that everything CAN be happy and OK. Or that everything has a value and can be meaningful.

It's basically about an American guy going to the Ukraine to find this girl who saved his grandfather's life during Nazi occupation. I always wonder a bit about how it would be like to trace back my family's history, all the way back to my great-great-great-great-great grandparents. I never really thought of them much, but I think it would be nice to know who they were and what they did. Maybe it's sort of like paying respect to the dead, by remembering them still in my memory. Thinking of my grandmother who died last year still makes me sad. Thinking of my mom gone would be really painful. I do remember my great-grandmother and remember how she was such a sweet old lady. I also realize that my mother, my grandmother and my great-grandmother all kind of share this similar aura around them. I mean, they look similar, but it's not just that. I don't know how to describe it. I don't know how to explain how the air around them can feel so familiar to me.

I'm also thinking about taking my mom to Hong Kong for a weekend in December.

Sometimes I just don't know. Sometimes one feeling gets so overwhelming.

I watched this anime called Kimi ni Todoke (Reaching You) and I really like it because the girl has problems expressing herself and everybody around her misunderstands her. Sometimes I feel the same way.

2009-10-09T14:34:00.004+07:00

Just finished two articles this week. God, I'm tired. There's so much to do still. My list of things to-do keeps getting longer and longer. I also need to buy a new notebook/planner for work since I ran out of pages today. Maybe I'll just use the notebook Nick got me last year for Valentine's.

Didn't eat lunch today because I didn't feel like going with my colleagues to Thammasat area. I'm trying to go on a diet too (but that's not really new, is it?)

I also witnessed a car burning on a bridge over the Chaophraya river this morning. I can't remember the bridge's name. It was crazy! The entire front half of the car was engulfed in flames and it took the firemen a few tries to stop it. It's also quite amazing that motorcycles, cars and pedestrians were still passing by the car and the area wasn't sealed off since there could've been an explosion if the fire reached the gas tank. Where's the rain when we needed you?

I'm still thinking about the Singapore deal and haven't really decided yet as I'm still trying to sweeten the package. I guess I'll send them my response on Monday.

I have a sudden urge to go to the fortune teller again. But I don't know why since they never tell me anything useful.

I also bought the book Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer finally after more than two years of looking at it in Kinokuniya. I found it from a second-hand book store on Rambutree Road opposite Khaosan.

I'm also really into Indian prints these days. So I'm really looking forward to attend another workshop in Bangladesh end-October so that I can buy some cute skirts and dresses there.

Now I have to write my trip report since I went to Indonesia last week. I love getting a new stamp in my passport.

Fixing

2009-10-06T15:07:00.004+07:00

"Now the other thing is my wife, Regina. She has been horribly hurt by my behavior, and when something happens like that, if you hurt a person and it's your responsibility, you try to fix it." - David Letterman

Letterman apologized to his wife, Regina, after he announced last Thursday that he had sex with somebody on his show. The producer was threatening to go public with this information if Letterman didn't cough up $2 million.

What I wanted to draw attention to was not about whether he apologized or whether or not he admitted to having an affair. I think I just wanted to make a point that if you hurt a person, it is your responsibility to try to fix it.

Anyway, my view on life is this - what's broken, remains broken. But I think trying and not trying at all to fix it does make a huge difference.

2009-09-20T09:40:00.002+07:00

going to a wedding reception tonight at the oriental hotel. i wanna curl my hair but i still don't know how to use a curling iron :( gah! can anybody help?

i'm also going to take some french lessons starting next month. it's so cheap! 3750 baht for 30 hours at Alliance Francaise. should be fun! let me know if you're interested too.

i went shopping with Nick yesterday for his shirts and trousers. i think he looks cute in proper work clothes. he's so lucky that he's tall and lean, it's so easy for him to look good in anything.

2009-09-17T20:00:00.001+07:00

Sometimes I feel like I'm always the one waiting...

Ginger, My Dog

2009-09-17T14:50:00.003+07:00

I still worry about her a lot. A LOT. I think there are times where I just routinely obsess about my dog's feelings and well-being and end up crying. Especially if I moved to Singapore, who's going to buy her yummy snacks, take her for walks, give her a bath, and play with her? I really think I'm a horrible owner for not taking better care of her and blaming it all on the fact that I live in an apartment which doesn't allow pets. I know my mom tries her best to take care of her, but I also know she doesn't have that emotional attachment to Ginger like me. For her, Ginger is just a dog.

Ginger is also gaining weight (like me). God it's so easy to put on weight!

Every time I take her for walks, she gets tired really easy and just sits down in the middle of the sidewalk and won't budge. She's also smart to pick and choose where she rests too, picking shady spots beside a bush or tree. I'll try to post up some pictures of Ginger.

Where My Paths Begin to Diverge

2009-09-17T14:08:00.003+07:00

At the moment I'm seriously contemplating moving to Singapore. I have been offered an international post there and now in the process of negotiating the salary and package. I think the package itself is pretty good considering they're paying for accommodation + all these other benefits, so I think the negotiation is on the base salary more than anything else.

They want me to move as early as November, but I doubt that will happen as there's still so many things to finalize on my end from Bangkok. So maybe January 2010 will be when I actually move there.

I'm really being very strategic about this because although it's a UNICEF-funded network that I'll be working for, it is a step out from the UN system. However, if I can still work as a Consultant for UNICEF from abroad on this other communication project, then that would be a very sweet deal, and I probably wouldn't be thinking twice about it. Of course, it'd also be awesome to get two pay checks!

Anyway, I went to interview at Reuters just the other day, but I'm not sure whether I'm really interested in it any more as I think it's a bit too corporate for my taste. Plus, the role involves strengthening their internal communications. In other words, probably communicating with 1500 or so staff in Thai, so I don't think that's going to work. I also think it goes to say how I've pretty much decided that I want to do communications for development or non-profit purposes than talking about financial applications, software development, cars, luxury products, etc.

I don't think Nick likes the idea of me going to Singapore.

2009-09-15T09:11:00.000+07:00

i hate september. august sucked too.

2009-08-31T19:58:00.005+07:00

I told myself since I came back from France that I'm going to find some time to really sit down and write about stuff. I guess in a way I wanted to do this and reflect on things just because. Not that I think it's so important, or maybe it was, or is, but I think that at the very least, maybe if I begin to reflect a bit, I'd provide myself with some clarity.

It's getting really hard for me to actually write down my real thoughts here. One obvious reason being that this blog really isn't that private any more. The second reason being that my thoughts to write about something seemingly disappear when I reach home. I have plenty of ideas driving around town. I somehow wish there was a machine that records your thoughts verbatim and transmits them to the blog. Then maybe you'll see more frequent updates and less general topics about my obsessions (food and gym). I find that the only time where I can really sit down and put words together is at work. But I hardly want to spend time at work blogging now since there's tons to do or because I feel bad doing non-work related stuff.

Still, I think it's important that I sit down and write for my own sake. Maybe I'll find some time soon.

The Exception to the Rule

2009-08-20T20:29:00.006+07:00

On the plane from Abu Dhabi to Bangkok I watched the movie, He's Just Not That Into You. I heard that it was a pretty crappy movie but there was nothing else to do so I was like, OKAY, why not.

But you know what. I actually liked it. I thought it was really sweet and funny. There were so many nice quotes in there too. For example:

"if a guy treats you like he doesn’t give a s--- it’s because he doesn’t give a s---.”

"Don’t get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he’ll do the asking."

"If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will."

"girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up: if a boy punches you he likes you, never try to trim your own bangs, and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it: the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. but sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. and maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. maybe the happy ending is just moving on. or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing after all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment... you never gave up hope."

I want to write more on this but I'm off to the gym now. So maybe later.

Dinner

2009-08-20T20:15:00.003+07:00

For the past three days since I came back from France I've been eating various types of crackers and biscuits for dinner topped with random things like tomato and onion spreads, chestnut spread, fois gras, saucisson, chorizo, cheddar cheese or camembert cheese.

And then on the side I snack on dates and figs.

The best thing about England was how I discovered oatcakes. They're so yummy although most people would probably think they're dry and taste like cardboard.

I brought a lot of biscuits back.

Jung's Personality Type Test

2009-08-20T15:53:00.003+07:00

I got the INFJ type, which rates me as being:

Introverted: 22%
Intuitive: 62%
Feeling: 25%
Judging: 55%

Take the test here to see what type you are.

This is what INFJ are like, which I found quite true.

The Protector

As an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.

INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.

INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.

INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.

But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.

Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals.

INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.

In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.

The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.

Jungian functional preference ordering:

Dominant: Introverted Intuition
Auxilliary: Extraverted Feeling
Tertiary: Introverted Thinking
Inferior: Extraverted Sensing

2009-07-16T08:04:00.001+07:00

Me and my heart we got issues

Drinking

2009-07-13T15:54:00.002+07:00

I went to Route two nights in a row. I am pretty sick of that place although I realize that I probably like that club more than all of the other ones on RCA. Nick's friend, Andre, thinks I drink a lot.

I don't like vodka. I don't like it mixed in any of my drinks. And since I usually just mix my alcohol with soda, it tasted like crap. Maybe it'll taste a bit better with lemon, but vodka/soda just doesn't work. (soda has 0 calories)

We opted not to buy a bottle the second night we were at Route because Nick's friends don't really drink, so I had a Smirnoff wine cooler, half a Long Island Ice Tea, half a Kahlua Milk, and a glass of Whiskey/soda. I didn't even feel a thing! I think bottles are the only way to go for me.

Dodging the Other Way

2009-07-10T15:38:00.003+07:00

I've noticed that usually when I see people I know (ones that I'm not really close to or just see on a very rare occasion), I'd dodge the other way so they won't see me. I don't know why I do this. I think it could be that I'm just too lazy to make conversation. Or I'm just anti-social.

Yesterday I was at the gym and I saw one of my ex-coworker from Siemens. I haven't seen him in ages. He used to be an intern there and we even went out a few times for drinks with other people. We promised to keep in touch when he went back to Germany. Anyway, I don't know if he saw me but I was trying to stay clearly away from him and his gang of friends. I see them looking my way a few times but I don't think he recognizes me or anything.

Cheap Ticket (I Think)

2009-07-10T11:30:00.001+07:00

I just recently bought my ticket from BKK - London and Paris - BKK for 26,000 baht. I think that's really cheap, don't you think? Looking forward to flying Etihad!

Winding Down

2009-07-06T10:32:00.003+07:00

I'm glad to be tying up lose ends this months regarding work and visa stuff. I also have a slight cold so I have to deal with this annoying headache. I have two more weeks left of work before I'm outta here! I am so looking forward to my one month break... I'm glad things all worked out in the end.

Seriously, this thing is really bothering me

2009-07-04T08:58:00.002+07:00

I realized after re-examining my feelings and who I am, even though I always said that I welcome changes and challenges, I know that I still balk at the unknown. I think this is the perfect situation that really determines what type of person I am.

Somebody told me before that I can't handle not knowing what's going to happen in the future. Which is kind of ironic because nobody does really know what's going to happen in the future, but we can make it easier on ourselves to choose things that will in a way shine a light a few steps ahead of us so that we know what the next few days, or few months, holds.

Maybe stability and having a sense of security are important to me. It does give me comfort. And to ask whether I'm scared or not about losing my job, then I'll probably say that I am scared shitless that my choice will result in me being jobless for the next few months.

I asked myself whether I will regret it or not if I don't take the level jump. And honestly, when I really think about it, I know that I won't. I might be passing up a very easy opportunity to get promoted because I'd rather stick to something that I have for sure, but I think that's because I know there will always be other opportunities. It's like when I had to choose to go to Bangladesh or not and I chose not to go, although the consequences are probably not as severe as this.

Maybe in the end I just have to accept that I am too chicken to risk losing this job, especially now with the economy being so bad and knowing how hard it's going to be to find a job that I like doing.

Stressful July and Probably August

2009-07-03T15:19:00.005+07:00

I honestly don't know if I'm looking for trouble. I have the option of staying at my current level for another year (slight increase in salary) or have my job jump a level (hence being promoted and a somewhat jump in salary). If I choose to go for the level jump, I would have to re-apply again to my current post and compete with others so that the most suitable person gets it. This is insane. Of course I would be the strongest candidate since I already know the job. But then again, it's not guaranteed also that I would get it, although it seems pretty unlikely that I will NOT get it. My boss and team supports me, I have great evaluations, what's there to worry then? Well, the qualifications might not match as they'd require somebody with 7 years of experience. Still, I can word it in such a way to say that I do have it. But freakin HR can be very particular about this.

Anyway, I was going to go for the level jump but I've decided to ask my boss for this weekend to think about it some more. I feel stupid even. I was the one that started talking to my boss about this whole level thing and I feel that if I don't go through with it then it'll show what a coward I am to play it safe? He understands though and knows that it's a very important decision. I don't want to end up being a fool if I suddenly lost this job to some dude with 10 years of communications experience when I already had it in the beginning.

But when I think about it, I don't like going back on my words. I asked for it so I should finish it. I think it's a risk we all have to take if we want to advance in our careers. Except that if I don't get it this time, I'll be jobless (for a while) and probably kicking myself in the butt. What's really the worst that could happen? I end up jobless and I'd have to look for other jobs, which will open other opportunities for me. Should I be scared? Or should I welcome this change? But I love this job and what I'm doing. But I know also that my own downfall would probably be because of my own damn greediness and ambition to climb that ladder, and there's still a lot of rungs to climb if I want to move up this organization.

My dad, boss and other colleague who supervises some of my work thinks it shouldn't be a problem. If anything bad just happened, it's probably because I just showed my lack of confidence by asking my boss to think about this over the weekend. But I think it's understandable considering it's a very important choice. On the other hand, my friends at work think it's risky. They would say, why not stick to something stable? I think this whole thing is stupid actually. I'm applying for the same job that I'm doing well in now and I'm worried about not getting it? I think that's silly and stupid reasoning. If I don't get it, I think it just seriously means that I should be doing something else.

I'm being indecisive again and I don't like it. I need to stop listening to other people and decide on my own.

"Remember that it's not what you face that counts, but rather how you cope with those circumstances. When we are under stress, we don't have the energy to put on any kind of pretense, and we come face to face with our true self, to the very essence of our soul."

British Visa

2009-06-30T12:58:00.002+07:00

Two weeks and still waiting for my British visa. It's taking ages. It's really annoying waiting. I've never had to wait this long for a stupid visa before. God!

The God of Small Things

2009-06-30T12:54:00.002+07:00

Where all the little things in life is more important than the bigger things.

I love the details.

The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy.

2009-06-27T16:08:00.000+07:00

Did I mention how I love to drive?

Lost

2009-06-25T13:49:00.002+07:00

I just finished watching the latest season of Lost, and I think, this is the ONLY TV series where I enjoyed every single minute of it. I think that's pretty amazing. One thing I never really got used to seeing was Sawyer and Juliette together. For some reason, I still don't really give a damn about this Juliette character. There's something about her face that makes her look so cold and insincere (even though she's not!) I also like the name Sawyer. I'm even thinking of naming my kids Sawyer and Finn. Wouldn't that be nice? Lost is just so crazy. I love the show!

There were actually two quotes that really stuck to me from this whole season.

The first one was a conversation Sawyer was having with Horace, who just found out that his wife of three years still kept her ex-husband's wooden cross necklace in her drawer.

Horace: He's only been gone three years. Is that really enough to get over someone?

Sawyer: I had a thing for a girl once. And I had a shot at her. But I didn't take it. For a little while I'd lay in bed every night wondering, it was a mistake. Wondering, I'd never stop thinking about her... But now, I can barely remember what she looks like. Lets just face it. She's just gone. And she ain't never coming back. So if it's three years I'd have to take to get over someone... then absolutely.

The second quote that I liked was a flashback Juliette was having in the last episode of her parents telling her they're having a divorce. Her parents said, "We still love each other. But sometimes when two people love each other, it doesn't necessarily mean they have to be together." One of those BS things parents tell kids so they won't feel bad. But when I think about it, I guess it's true right? There's so many reasons why two people who love each other can't be together. But then again, a part of me also believes that if two people love each other, there's no way in hell why they shouldn't be together. If they aren't together, then it's because they don't truly want it. I guess there's many degrees of love. I hate it when people say, "Yeah, we're not together, but I still love him/her." Seriously, just be honest.

Woodstock

2009-05-30T00:19:00.001+07:00

I can't find that picture of woodstock that I really like. It's the one I had as my MSN display picture for a while... The one where he stands alone against a blue background...

Turtles

2009-05-23T06:31:00.003+07:00

I haven't dreamt about something in a while. Last night I dreamt about buying a turtle.

Turtle: To see a turtle in your dream, symbolizes wisdom, faithfulness, longevity, and loyalty. It also suggests that you need to take things slow in some situation or relationship in your life. With time, you will make steady progress. Alternatively, it indicates that you are sheltering yourself from the realities of life. Or that you are putting forth a hard exterior and not letting others in.

I'm already awake. I don't understand why I wake up even earlier during the weekends than when I go to work. Anyway, there's so much to do today. In the morning I have to do my laundry at my mom's, give Ginger a bath, and then go to my PT at the gym. In the afternoon I have to take Ginger to the vet to get her shots and take her out for her long overdue walk. Then in the evening I have to go to Centralworld to do some shopping before I go to Phuket tomorrow morning.

Distractions

2009-05-19T08:50:00.001+07:00

Every time I have to go out of Bangkok for work I get to so distracted. It's like my mind's already somewhere else. So right now, all I'm thinking about are the beaches in Phuket, the islands, and swimming in the pool!

Loving a Little Less

2009-05-17T09:43:00.003+07:00

Something I read in the book, The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy, that I thought was pretty true.

"D'you know what happens when you hurt people?" Ammu said. "When you hurt people, they begin to love you less. That's what careless words do. They make people love you a little less."

More often than before, I really take what people say literally. I don't think it's always good. But I always (usually) place a lot of importance in words and what comes out of people's mouths. You live by what you say. It's very sacred, I think.

Phuket!

2009-05-15T14:34:00.003+07:00

Off to Phuket May 24-27 for a workshop. Will be going there two days earlier to visit Phi Phi Island and chill at the beach but so far the weather forecast looks like crap :(

The Fortune Teller Around Chareon Nakhon

2009-05-11T15:51:00.003+07:00

I went to see a fortune teller this past Saturday and I’ve got to say that it was quite weird. It was weird in the sense that some of the stuff she said was right on. But I also found it weird that there were some things she specifically said to me, but not to my friend, who also came from a similar background like me (e.g. studying in an international school, speaking fluent English, etc). I guess I wondered why she chose to say these things to me, and not her, and I wondered whether these things actually showed up in her readings. It was 300 baht and I thought it was worth the money as she spent more than an hour with me. For the first half hour she did some calculations with my birth date, and then for the next half hour she used tarot cards for specific questions. I think it's a lot more detailed than the one I went to last year around Tha Prajan as that one was a very basic card reading for 3 months ahead. My friends at work gave her a 70-80% accuracy rating. I think I would give her around the same.

Anyway, here’s a summary of what she said (and which parts I found weird):

- I have a lot of luck in terms of money and wealth (if I care or pay more attention to it). She said that I have a really high potential of winning the lottery until I’m 31. If I don’t make money from the lottery, then it will be from work or investments. However, she suggested that I start investing next year because I won’t get 100% returns if I start now.

- My luck (in money) began when I hit 26 (I found this weird because I started working at my current job then and I often wonder if this is related) and will continue to grow. She said that I will be able to make money all the time.

- *** Weird part. She said that when I was 18-25, I faced quite a number of problems (I think this was pretty true considering I felt pretty lost and confused bout my “self” throughout college and things didn’t improve until I hit 26 and towards the end of the year). However, she said, if I studied abroad during that time, I would overcome this and I would graduate with ease. (It’s weird because I wasn’t in Thailand when I was 18-25) She said that if I studied in Thailand things would have been terrible.

- I will get inheritance. If not from my parents, then from my partner, or partner’s relative.

- My partner will be a foreigner (and a good looking one also!). She said that a good looking partner will increase and boost my fortune. She said that my partner will be from the media industry or somebody working behind the scenes (e.g. an actor, singer, photographer, graphic person, etc). However, my partner will have health problems (allergies or trouble with walking).

- She suggested that I not buy empty land because I won’t be able to sell it. She suggested I buy gold or to just keep my money.

- *** Weird part. If I buy a car, I will be in some small accidents (this is true as I was in a small accident that dented the back of my car last year, and I’m always getting scratches here and there. Just this morning I ran over the sidewalk when I was turning!)

- I will make a lot of money. She said that I should always work for foreigners or for international companies/organizations. It doesn’t matter whether I’m working abroad or domestically, as long as it’s foreign. However, if I want to start my own business and do something similar to what I’m doing now, I will also be successful.

- *** Really weird part. I didn’t mention anything about my past relationships yet. But she started talking about my love life. She said that I was living with someone but we broke up. I was confused because I thought she meant Nick (since we’re practically living together as he sleeps at my place almost every night). So I told her that I’m still dating Nick. She gave me a weird look and said, “No, you guys already broke up. A while already too. And you were really hurt.” I just stared at her. The fortune teller continued, “The Thai one.” I think at this point I felt really weird, but I did tell her that we did break up. She said that my current boyfriend is a foreigner and he is very good to me. He is good looking, easy going, loves music and art. She said that if I’m with this one, I will be very happy. (How did she know I’m dating a foreigner?)

- She said that my children will be very good and rich. However, I won’t have many as I will have miscarriages. If I manage to keep the first one, he will be a boy. I will lose my second and third. My fourth will be a daughter. (And I wanted 5 kids!)

- My current job is stable. If I want to do something on my own, she suggested I do it as a sideline job. She said be careful about jealousy amongst co-workers.

- *** Kind of weird part. I asked whether I should change jobs since there might be an opportunity for me to work abroad doing something similar. She suggested that I shouldn’t change jobs now because new beginnings aren’t good for me this year. However, she said that if I do change, the new job will be just as good or even better. She said I will grow and earn more money. Still, there may be trouble with senior level colleagues so she wants me to change jobs next year instead of this year because I will receive support from my co-workers and boss then. I found this weird because I know this job will give me a lot of opportunity to grow, but I can also imagine having "some" trouble with this "future" boss from what my friends have already told me about her. I also imagine that I should be earning more considering it's an international post.

- I asked about Nick and what he thought of me. She said that he’s good looking, has sixth sense, is sensitive and really loves me. He’s a hardworking person. But he should be careful about falling from high places, car accidents with fire and hot water. Also, there might be a possibility that he will go abroad, may be for work, so we could be separated. Or it could be me that is moving abroad. She said that he's definitely thinking of starting a life with me and that there's new beginnings written all over. But she said there are still obstacles, for example, his health, where he is with life currently, and financially. Anyway, she said I won't get married this year.

- She said that in any relationship that I’m in, it will be fragile.

- Mother and father are OK.

- *** Pretty weird part! She said my brother is gay. (I think she’s definitely wrong here, but you never know…)

- *** Somewhat weird. I won’t have a huge wedding. It will just be registration. This is weird because I actually thought about not having a wedding before. I told my mom that I didn't want a wedding and she yelled at me and said that was absurd, unspeakable and would be disgraceful to the family.

- I can buy a condo now if I want (she said she sees me living in a luxurious condo and I was telling her I have no money! She said I’ll make the money soon.)

Anyway, I'm probably going to buy some lottery tickets this week. If I win, I will let you know!

Long Weekend

2009-05-07T09:34:00.004+07:00

I'm looking forward to this last long weekend that I will have for a while until my one month break from work starting mid-July. Things to do this weekend:

Friday: Go to the gym at 2 PM and train with my PT. Meet my friends for dinner at Coffee Beans around 7 PM. Not sure which Coffee Beans though.

Saturday: Go to this fortune teller with Alice in the morning. Friends from work recommended her and said she was freakishly accurate. Go the gym in the afternoon. Then perhaps go over to Clare's house to hang out with some friends. It'd be nice to bring Ginger along so she can stretch her legs a bit.

Sunday: Go to Pattaya?

I feel like this weekend will go by fast again :(

Hua Hin Trip

2009-04-29T10:38:00.004+07:00

There's going to be a trip organized by people at work to Hua Hin/Pranburi in June and we're staying at Evason. Can't wait. Hopefully I can go. I have to take my mom to the hospital that weekend for her eye surgery but my dad's going anyway so I think I'll just leave my car with him.

I only have May 8th off next month! But will probably go to Pattaya that weekend to visit Nick's friends there. Nick also promised to treat me and his friends to Italian when he gets paid this month (from his first job in Thailand and his freelance job in England). Yay! I haven't had Italian in a while.

My New Love

2009-04-28T15:15:00.001+07:00

Rye Crackers!

2009-04-24T15:59:00.002+07:00

Thursday:

8 AM: Milk and oatmeal with 2 small bananas and almonds
10 AM: Apple and almonds
12 PM: Beef with rice and half a veggie mataba
3 PM: Nesvita
5-7 PM: Gym
7.30 PM: Basil chicken with rice and half a som tum
9-10 PM: 7 dates

Friday:

8 AM: Milk and oatmeal with 2 small bananas and almonds
10 AM: 2 small bananas
12 PM: Lamb Sharworma (Israeli food), salad and eggplant dip
3.30 PM: Half a jelly donut and a small sausage roll (dammit! It's hard to say no when a friend offers it...)

Still Keeping Track

2009-04-22T14:34:00.005+07:00

For today:

8 AM: Milk and oatmeal with two bananas and almonds
10 AM: Apple and almonds
12 PM: Broccoli with shrimp, som tum with shrimp, tofu and pork soup, Larb pork woon sen (shared with 3 others, no rice)
3 PM: Nesvita
6 PM: Ginger chicken with rice
9-10 PM: 2 mangoes and 4 dates

I have a teleconference call with people from New York tonight. I hate doing these calls...

Health Junkie

2009-04-21T14:55:00.003+07:00

Keeping a food/fitness diary now. If anybody has suggestions on how to improve my eating habits or diet, please let me know. I'm going to do this for a while so please don't mind me.

Yesterday

8 AM: Oatmeal with two small bananas and almonds
10 AM: Apple and almonds
12 PM: Rice topped with a portion of vegetables, fish ball curry and pork/tofu
3 PM: Nesvita drink and almonds
5-6 PM: Gym
7.30 PM: Vegetables stir-fried dish (no rice)
9-10 PM: 4 dates, 2 pears, and 1 mango

Today

8 AM: Oatmeal with two small bananas and almonds
10 AM: Apple and almonds
12 PM: Som tum with eggs
3 PM: Smaller portion of oatmeal with almonds (no bananas)
5-7 PM: Gym
8 PM: Stir-fried vegetables and som tum (shared with Nick, no rice)
9-10 PM: two pears, 150 grams of Edamame Japanese peas, 4 dates

7 Days in Malaysia

2009-04-21T08:52:00.005+07:00

Some things I've noticed:

- It's a really nice, modern and clean city. Except that there wasn't that much to do after a couple of days. I think Malaysia has really good marketing people working for them as all the landmarks they've advertised sounded so spectacular on the website and brochures, but when you look at the real thing, it's actually quite disappointing. My favorite area was Little India. It's very lively with a lot of shops, markets and restaurants. Another favorite place was Central Market around Chinatown. It's a great place to buy souvenirs. Dates were very cheap there (500 grams for 10 Ringgit). I bought a kilo of dates back to Thailand. Yum!

- The Petronas Twin Tower is really beautiful I think. I love how at night it gleams amidst the darkened sky, and if it's especially foggy, it really looks like something out of a Batman movie. It's also a great way to figure out where you are in Kuala Lumpur as you use that as a location marker and calculate how far you are and which direction you are from the city center.

- The transporation is great in Kuala Lumpur. It's very easy to navigate using the sky train and monorail. It's also cheaper than Thailand's MRT and BTS, for example two stops would only cost around 12 baht. Beware of taxis though as they will most likely never use the meter, except for the blue ones which starts at 4 Ringgit (about 40 baht). They'll usually ask for 10-15 Ringgit to go anywhere in the city center so do negotiate. Always try to ask a couple of taxis before jumping into one. Depending on the weather and the hour of the day you hail a taxi, the price can be jacked up.

- Talking about the weather, it rains a lot more than Thailand! It rains in the morning, it rains in the afternoon, it rains in the evening. Really. And the rain may last for hours at a time too. Heavy downpours. I love and hate it at the same time depending on whether I'm trying to get home or I'm in the hotel room enjoying how the rain engulfs the city in gray. And due to the rain, Malaysia is a lot greener than Thailand. It's really nice as you travel around the city and outside to see loads of trees instead of the usual flatness in Thailand's countryside.

- Nick said I got a lot of stares when I walked around on the streets. His Malaysian friend said it may be because my boyfriend is white and not a lot of Malaysians mix with foreigners. You can see quite a bit of Chinese and Muslim influences in Malaysia but it was interesting that both cultures don't really mix there also.

- I couldn't help but stare sometimes when I see Malaysians eating with their fingers. It's so neat how they're so adept at gathering the wet rice and curry into their mouth. Food in Malaysia seems heavier than Thailand for some reason although we both eat curries and have our fair share of beef and chicken. Maybe it's the portion size that's different. I do like Malaysian food though and was extremely happy to taste it more often as I don't know of that many Malaysian restaurants in Thailand. The Nasi Ayam, Nasi Lemak, Rendang Curries, Mee Goreng, Roti Canai and Masala Dosa were taste-bud delights!

- There's a department store in Bukit Bintang area that reminded me of MBK and Platinum Mall. It's called Sun Wang Gei? Not sure.

- The Bird Park was quite fun. After finishing the book, Life of Pi, I'm definitely looking at zoos and animals in different ways than before now. A bird also puked on me from above the trees (well at least I hope it was puke rather than something else). It was pretty disgusting as it was all over my hair and t-shirt.

- Melaka is a quiet and touristy destination. I took the bus there from Puduraya Station. It was very cheap. 12.40 Ringgit for one way. It's two hours away. Worth a stop if you want to see something different. They've got amazing Chicken Rice and what's even more cool is that they've balled up the rice! Rice balls! Who would've thought of that. The things people come up with to be different. Anyhow, the chicken was really soft. There's also a local dessert called Cendol, which reminds me of the shaved-ice with Thai sweets and coconut on top. I had the Durian Cendol and it was lovely. I also went to the Portuguese Settlement because it sounded interesting in the brochures but don't waste your time there, it was completely empty and looked abandoned.

Twilight the Book

2009-04-08T14:54:00.001+07:00

I just finished this book at Sukhumvit Hospital on Monday while waiting for my mom. I don’t know. I have mixed feelings about this book. Sometimes I hate it. Sometimes I like it. Sometimes I think the characters are pretty typical and boring. There are other times I started liking the characters because they kind of grew on me. Sometimes I think I don’t like this book because it’s about love. And these days, especially, I’m not really in the mood to read about other people’s love stories. But by the end of the book, I must admit that I wouldn’t mind reading the next book, New Moon. I think it’s because I started something, and I just wanted to see where Edward and Bella’s relationship is going to go. If I don’t have Edward’s face (from the movie Twilight in my head), I think I would actually like Edward more. And Bella, well, she hasn’t really done anything to make me like her. When you think about it, it must be great to be Bella to have a vampire boyfriend who is super good looking and super strong protecting her.

Anyway, I’m almost done reading The Alchemist. And I also bought another book today for my trip to Malaysia this weekend. I bought The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. Hopefully it’ll keep me occupied on the plane.

The Diving Bell and The Butterfly/The Sea Inside

2009-04-05T08:36:00.003+07:00

These are two movies I've been meaning to watch but keep forgetting to get.

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly is a memoir about Jean-Dominique Bauby (former Elle editor) and his life after he suffered a stroke which left him paralyzed. The only means of communication is by blinking his left eye. I really like the title of the movie. I think it's beautiful.

The Sea Inside is about a guy trying to commit suicide. It's based on a real-life story of Ramon Sampedro who was left quadriplegic and who fought a 28-year campaign in support of euthanasia and his right to end his own life.

I don't know why I want to watch these two movies now after all these years.

It's Not Funny

2009-04-05T08:28:00.002+07:00

When I keep seeing but remain unseen. It's so annoying. Let me not see too. So it's fair.

Want to Stay Full?

2009-04-03T09:28:00.002+07:00

Eat oatmeal in the morning. Oatmeal tastes like crap on its own. But I mix and mash it up with two small bananas and it tastes great! I've cut down my breakfast intake because of this. Go Oatmeal! I love oatmeal cookies too. I love the smell of oats. I used to mix yoghurt, oatmeal and bananas together but I decided to cut down on the yoghurt since it's unnecessary calories.

The Story of the Pencil

2009-04-02T10:52:00.004+07:00

Every year, Global Campaign for Education organizes Global Action Week in order to raise awareness of the right to education for all. The theme chosen for this year is "Youth and Adult Literacy and Lifelong Learning." This year, Global Action Week takes place from April 20-26th.

Global Action Week involves you reading a story from the Big Read, a compilation of short stories about those who are denied the chance to learn, which were written by TV celebrities, education advocates, famous authors and other influential figures from around the world. By reading a story from the Big Read, you can write your name at the end. The names will be collected at the end and then delivered to governments during Global Action Week for them to take action to make sure that everyone has education. You can read your own stories of course.

This is my favorite story from the Big Read, written by Paulo Coelho (author of The Alchemist).

The Story of the Pencil

The little boy was watching his grandfather writing a letter. At a certain point he asked:

"Are you writing a story that happened to us? And is it by any chance a story about me?"

The grandfather stopped writing, smiled and said to his grandson:

"I'm writing about you, that's true. But the pencil I am using is more important than the words I am writing. I hope you are like it when you grow up."

The boy looked at the pencil with curiosity, but did not see anything special about it.

"But it's just like all the other pencils I have ever seen in my life!"

"It all depends on how you look at things. There are five qualities in it that if you can manage to keep in yourself will make you a person always at peace with the world."

The first quality: you can do great things but you must never forget that there is a hand that guides our steps. This hand we call God, and He must always guide it according to His will.

The second quality: from time to time I need to stop what I am writing and use a sharpener. This makes the pencil suffer a little, but in the end it becomes sharper. So, learn how to bear some pains, because they will make you a better person.

The third quality: the pencil always lets you use an eraser to rub out what was wrong. Understand that correcting something that we have done is not necessarily bad, but rather something important to keep us on the path of justice.

The fourth quality: what really matters in the pencil is not the wood or its outer shape but rather the lead that is inside it. So, always take care of what happens inside you.

Last, the pencil's fifth quality: it always leaves a mark. In the same way, know that everything you do in life will leave traces, and try to be aware of each and every action.

2009-04-02T00:21:00.006+07:00

I'm having difficulty sleeping. Which is pretty rare considering how I usually fall asleep by 8.30, 9.00 or 10.00 most of the time. I haven't been up this late in a while, except for weekends. My throat has also been hurting because I caught my niece's cold. To tell you the truth, I actually like this feeling of being sick a bit, since I hardly get sick ever, except for my usual stomach aches. It's going to be a pain getting up in the morning for work. I just know it already. But I'm also feeling slightly unmotivated to go to work.

You know, I was just reading the Alchemist, by Paul Coelho, and in that book he was talking about changes. This was the part where Santiago went to Africa, got his money stolen, started working in the crystal store and the business was expanding really fast. And the store owner was scared, you know, of this change, because he was so used to the same old thing, the routine, the comforts of running a small store although he was so sick, tired and depressed of it because it was getting him no where.

"I don't want to change anything, because I don't know how to deal with change. I'm used to the way I am." He said . "Today, I understand something I didn't see before: every blessing ignored becomes a curse. I don't want anything else in life. But you are forcing me to look at wealth and at horizons I have never known. Now that I have seen them, and now that I see how immense my possibilities are, I'm going to feel worse than I did before you arrived. Because I know the things I should be able to accomplish, and I don't want to do so."

I really like the word possibilities. That was actually one of the reasons why I used that word in an early childhood photo contest at work, because there's so much possibilities for children to become anything in the future. And we are the same. No matter how old we get. No matter how long we've stuck to one job we hate. No matter how long you've been in a relationship that's dying. Once the change happens, the possibilities exist. And it's truly exciting. And liberating. And before you know it, everything that you're doing becomes a will to make that impossibility a possibility.

September 11, 2008. I created a vision. It actually sounded cheesy now that I think about it. To create a world where I can fall madly in love with. And to make everybody that is a part of my world, fall in love with it too. I admit honestly, that along the way, I think I did lose sight of this vision some times. There were times I fell back to depression, times where I became snappy and irritated, times where I felt so alone I started to cry, times where I just stared blankly because I don't know how to express myself. But you know, these feelings comes and goes. I still try though, whenever I revert back to my self, to move forward with my vision. The best thing I found was to really stick to doing a small number of things you really enjoy, and becoming good at it. It's really something ordinary. Like exercising to be healthy, stronger, confident and beautiful. Or reading to be in touch with other people's feelings. And blogging to at least keep one part of my dream alive. You know, that one, to write.

March 1, 2009. I turned 27. And a lot of feelings died that day. For example, I knew that I was no longer a hopeless romantic. I tried telling myself that I still was. After all, I've always called myself a hopeless romantic since I was a kid. That was probably the biggest death to the "me" that everybody knew, more than anything else. But I think we have different definitions to what a hopeless romantic is. I guess for me it means a person who believes faithfully in the concept of love. And that's the other feeling that died, or more like the ability to believe in anything. Words and love are probably my two biggest loves of my life. And that day alone, I stopped believing in the sanctity of words and love. For me, love became an earthbound reality. It was no longer an ideal. It lost its magic. And I moved on.

And today is April 2, 2009. Just another day that I have to go to work, go to the gym, eat at my parents, play with Ginger briefly, read a book, write, hang out with Nick and then go to sleep. It's really a simple thought and procedure, to do all the things that I want to do, that makes me look forward to the next day. And I've really come to look forward to the next day because it is filled with so much possibilities. You can do whatever you want with the minutes and the seconds. It's so exciting. How will the day unfold? Now that you have slept and awoken? You will never look at each morning the same way again when you realize the day's true potential.

2009-04-01T15:11:00.002+07:00

Thinking twice about going to Borneo now. Maybe I should just stick to Malaysia and check out the cities around Kuala Lumpur instead of booking another flight to Kota Kinabalu to climb Mt. Kinabalu. The reason I'm thinking twice is because I'll probably be bringing a suitcase for my trip and I don't think it's a good idea to be hauling that up the mountain. I currently have my trip booked for April 9 - 17. But maybe I'll cut it down shorter if I'm just staying in Malaysia... *sigh*

On Living

2009-03-29T11:13:00.002+07:00

I finished the book, Life of Pi. It was such a good read. I haven't read anything this good in a long, long while. I'm so happy I bought this. Anyway, I was trying to find this part that I really liked in the book and I finally found it. Here it is:

"I speak in all modest as I say this, but I discovered at that moment that I have a fierce will to live. It's not something evident, in my experience. Some of us give up on life with only a resigned sigh. Others fight a little, then lose hope. Still others - and I am one of those - never give up. We fight and fight and fight. We fight no matter the cost of battle, the losses we take, the improbability of success. We fight to the very end. It's not a question of courage. It's something constitutional, an inability to let go. It may be nothing more than life-hungry stupidity."

On Farewells

2009-03-27T08:44:00.003+07:00

"What a terrible thing it is to botch a farewell. I am a person who believes in form, in the harmony of order. Where we can, we must give things a meaningful shape. I'll tell you, that's one thing I hate about my nickname (Pi), the way that number runs on forever. It's important in life to conclude things properly. Only then can you let go. Otherwise you are left with words you should have said but never did, and your heart is heavy with remorse." Life of Pi

Train Ride

2009-03-25T14:18:00.002+07:00

I just remembered my dream last night when I was looking up stuff on Malaysia's transportation system for my trip to Malaysia next month. In the dream, I was trying to go somewhere (I think I was actually trying to get to Bukit Bintang, which is an area in Malaysia) from my hotel. I wasn't sure which train to board and I thought that the line I was waiting for will take me there. Anyway, I got on the train/monorail and about two stops I realized it was the wrong line. So I got off and then I tried to figure out which train to go on next. I couldn't figure it out and when I asked people around me they didn't know. So I felt really lost and anxious then.

You can probably tell I'm thinking about Malaysia a lot since I'm even dreaming about it now!

Train: To see a train in your dream, represents conformity. You are going along with what everyone else is doing. Or you have a need to do things in an orderly and sequential manner. In particular, if you see a freight train, then it refers to the burdens and problems that you are hauling around. It is also symbolic of manual labor.

If you see a passenger train, then it relates to mental work. If you see or play with a model train in your dream dream, then it indicates that you want more control and power over your own life and where it is headed. Alternatively, your dream of trains may be a metaphor that you are "in training" for some event, job or goal.

To dream that you are on a train, symbolizes your life's journey. It suggests that you are on the right track in life and headed in the right direction. Alternatively, you have a tendency to worry needlessly over a situation that will prove to work out in the end.

To see or dream that you are in a train wreck, suggests chaos. The path to goals are not going according to the way you planned it out. Or you may be lacking self-confidence and having doubt in your ability to reach your goals.

To dream that you are the engineer, signifies that you are in complete control of a particular situation in your waking life.

To dream that you miss a train, denotes missed opportunities or nearly escaping your death.

Lost: To dream that you are lost, suggests that you have lost your direction in life or that you have lost sight of your goals. You may be feeling worried and insecure about the path you are taking in life. Alternatively, you may be trying to adjust and get accustomed to a new situation in which the rules and conditions are ever changing.

To dream that someone else is lost, represents unresolved issues or feelings regarding the person that is lost. Consider also what aspect of that person you may have lost within your own self. Perhaps you need to recapture and re-acknowledge those aspects.

Malaysia and Borneo

2009-03-25T08:34:00.006+07:00

I have to go to Kuala Lumpur for a conference next month from the 14-17 and I'm thinking of going there earlier in order to explore Malaysia a bit more since I didn't get to last time! I might be leaving on the 11th (since I have 13th off anyway). I might even consider going as early as the 9th or 10th so that I have time to travel to Borneo also and visit some of the breathtaking sites like Mt. Kinabalu, the highest mountain in Southeast Asia and some wildlife sanctuary reserves to see the Wild Man of Borneo (the orangutans) and other animals/faunas. I'm so excited about this trip. I might also stay longer in Kuala Lumpur and come back on the 19th (Sunday) so I can visit Malacca, which my brother said is a really nice city and a UNESCO World Heritage Site.

Anyway, I'm not sure if Nick will be able to come with me. I hope he can. But if not I guess I'll try travelling alone. Does anybody want to come? Malisa?

Borneo looks amazing! Check out details about Borneo below.

http://www.borneo.com.au/index

The Elevator

2009-03-24T09:19:00.003+07:00

I had a somewhat scary dream last night. I boarded a really creepy looking and old/rusty metallic elevator which was quite small. The scene looked like something from the Matrix. Dark, wet and dangerous. Just when I got on two men came in. One was of medium built and the other was slightly big. I felt really claustrophic in the elevator. It was ascending upwards and we were trying to get off at one of the floors but it wouldn't stop. Finally when it stopped, one of the men yanked the elevator door open and pushed a wooden plank out so that it formed a bridge to the landing. We gingerly stepped out. We were outside in a clearing but it was dark. Small shrubs and trees were seen scattered around us.

Elevator: To dream that you are ascending in an elevator, suggests that you will quickly rise to status and wealth. You may have risen to a higher level of consciousness and are looking at the world from an elevated viewpoint. Descending in an elevator, suggests that you are being grounded or coming back down to reality. It also signifies setbacks and misfortunes.

The up and down action of the elevator represents the ups and downs of your life. It also symbolizes emotions and thoughts that are emerging out of and submerging into your subconscious. Alternatively, the dream may have sexual connotations.

To dream that the elevator is out of order or that it is not letting you off, symbolizes that your emotions have gotten out of control. It may be a reflection of your life or your career. You are feeling stuck in some aspect of your life, whether it is your career, relationship, etc.

Life of Pi

2009-03-23T19:48:00.004+07:00

This is my favorite new book. I haven't finished it yet but I'm about half way through it now. I've laid my eyes on this book for years already, probably since it came out, but never came around to buying it. It's one of those books where the words really leaves a smart imprint inside you. It's definitely one of those books where you flip back to the pages where the words were so strong that you couldn't help but re-read it again, and even possibly write it down for further referencing. If anything, I think it has such a unique perspective on religion, life and animals. I'm definitely not a religious person. But reading Life of Pi actually made me appreciate the mysteries and wonders of religion more. It's really hard for me to describe why I like it so much. But it's honest, funny, sad, interesting and serious at the same time. And I guess that's what I think life is about, I suppose.

It's about an Indian boy name Piscine Molitor Patel. His name really cracks me up as it reminds me of a dental cavity. But he gets teased so much in school (people were calling him Pissing Patel) that on his first day of his new school he scribbled on the chalkboard, "My name is Piscine Molitor Patel, known to all as Pi. Pi = 3.14." And then drew the symbol that looked like a slanted shack with a dented roof. He grew up in a zoo, which his family owns. He went on to study zoology and religious studies in Canada. He is a Hindu, a Muslim and a Christian.

Some things he said about animals that I thought were really interesting:

"I have heard nearly as much nonsense about zoos as I have about God and religion. Well-meaning but misinformed people think animals in the wild are 'happy' because they are 'free'... This is not the way it is. Animals in the wild lead lives of compulsion and necessity within an unforgiving social hierarchy in an environment where the supply of fear is high and the supply of food low and where territory must constantly be defended and parasites forever endured. What is the meaning of freedom in such a context? Animals in the wild are, in practice, free neither in space nor in time, nor in their personal reations."

"I know zoos are no longer in people's good graces. Religion faces the same problem. Certain illusions about freedom plague them both."

When Pi met an atheist:

"Some people say God died during the Partition in 1947. He may have died in 1971 during the war. Or he may have died yesterday here in Pondicherry (Pi's hometown) in an orphanage. That's what some people say, Pi. When I was your age, I lived in bed, racked with polio. I asked myself every day, 'Where is God? Where is God? God never came. It wasn't God that saved me - it was medicine. Reason is my prophet and it tells me that as a watch stops, so we die."

Pi on comparing atheists and agnostics:

"It is not atheists who get stuck in my craw, but agnostics. Doubt is useful for a while. We must all pass through the garden of Gethsemane. If Christ played with doubt, so must we. If Christ spent an anguished night in prayer, if He burst out from the Cross, 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?' then surely we are also permitted to doubt. But we must move on. To choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immoblity as a means of transportation."

On religion:

"We are all born like Catholics, aren't we - in limbo, withour religion, until some figure introduces us to God? After that meeting the matter ends for most of us. If there is a change, it is usually for the lesser rather than the greater; many people seem to lose God along life's way."

And the way he describes Hinduism is beautiful:

"First wonder goes deepest; wonder after that fits in the impression made by the first. I owe to Hinduism the original landscape of my religious imagination, where those towns and rivers, battlefields and forests, holy mountains and deep seas where gods, saints, villains and ordinary people rub shoulders, and, in doing so, define who and why we are."

And I love his take on Jesus Christ, and the comparison between Hinduism and Christianity:

"I couldn't imagine Lord Krishna consenting to be stripped naked, whipped, mocked, dragged through the streets and, to top it off, crucified - and at the hands of mere humans, to boot. I'd never heard of a Hindu God dying. Devils and monsters did, as did mortals, by the thousands and millions - that's what they were there for. Matter, too, fell away. But divinity should not be blighted by death. It's wrong. The world soul cannot die, even in one contained part of it. It was wrong of this Christian God to let His avatar die. That is tantamount to letting a part of Himself die. For if the Son is to die, it cannot be fake...Why would God wish that upon Himself? Why not leave death to the mortals? Why make dirty what is beautiful, spoil what is perfect? Love."

"This Son (Christ), on the other hand (when compared to a Hindu God), who goes hungry, who suffers from thirst, who gets tired, who is sad, who is anxious, who is heckled and harassed, who has to put with followers who don't get it and opponents who don't respect Him - what kind of a god is that? It's a god on too human a scale, that's what. There are miracles, yes, mostly of a medical nature, a few to satisfy hungry stomachs; at best a storm is tempered, water is briefly walked upon... This Son is a god who spent most of His time telling stories, talking. This Son is a god who walked, a pedestrian god - and in a hot place, at that - with a stride like any human stride; and when he splurged on transportation, it was a regular donkey. This son is a god who died in three hours, with moans, gasps and laments. What kind of a god is that? WHat is there to inspire in this Son? Love."

And that was why he turned Christian, because he found Christ, whose humanity to be so compelling.

Pi also turned Muslim a year later:

"I challenge anyone to understand Islam, its spirit, and not to love it. It is a beautiful religion of brotherhood and devotion."

And the last thing I read before I started typing here that I thought was interesting:

"Why do people move? What makes them uproot and leave everything they've known for a great unknown beyond the horizons? Why climb this Mount Everest of formalities that makes you feel like a beggar? Why enter this jungle of foreignness where everything is new, strange and difficult? The answer is the same the world over: people move in the hope of a better life."

I don't know if this is true for many people or not. But I guess for me, who wants to travel and have been travelling a lot, there is a ring of truth to it.

Snakes and Gym

2009-03-21T17:03:00.003+07:00

I had another dream last night. I don't remember much except that there was a big snake in my dream.

Snake: To see a snake or be bitten by one in your dream, signifies hidden fears and worries that are threatening you. Your dream may be alerting you to something in your waking life that you are not aware of or that has not yet surfaced. Alternatively, the snake may be seen as phallic and thus symbolize temptation, dangerous and forbidden sexuality. If you are afraid of the snake, then it signifies your fears of sex, intimacy or commitment. The snake may also refer to a person around you who is callous, ruthless, and can't be trusted. As a positive symbol, snakes represent healing, transformation, knowledge and wisdom. It is indicative of self-renewal and positive changes.

I also just paid 18,500 baht for 24 classes of personal training at the gym. This comes to about 770 baht per class. Nick looked at me with disapproving looks when I told him what I did this morning.

I had a talk with my PT today and I really like him. He seems to listen to me and really knows what to do with regards to how I want my body to look. I was complaining to him that I've been gaining weight although I've been going to the gym frequently. He said that my progress has been good if I was a GUY!

Anyway, he wants me to focus on fat loss and toning instead of muscle building (I wasn't even focusing on that!) so he's going to build a program for me that uses free weights, cable, kinesis and power plates because it's more challenging. He was saying that although I'm gaining muscles, I'm also gaining fat so I need to reduce that.

I've never used a PT before so I guess I just want to try. I've been going to the gym but I don't really have any program and I've just been doing stuff randomly. Lets see my progress in 1-2 months! He also told me to stop eating at night :( and said that I can eat as much as I want during the day time but to stop after dinner. See the thing is, I really watch what I eat, but it's still not working. Last night I told my PT that I was eating cereal and he was saying I should stop because I shouldn't be eating that at night! Milk is OK, but not with cereal. *sigh* I asked him what fruits to eat at night and he suggested pears and watermelon.

Ahn wants to eat at Dubliners tonight... I hope they have something healthy there... I bet I'm just going to end up eating a burger.

Flat Tires

2009-03-20T13:37:00.003+07:00

My friend at work just told me that my tires are really flat. I didn't even know I had to put air into the tires every 3-4 weeks! @_@ At first I thought I had a hole in my tires or something, but she said that it happens with cars because the air leaks out. We went downstairs just now to inspect the car and yeah, it looked really flat... I'm such a newbie!

Of Dreams (Again)

2009-03-20T07:26:00.004+07:00

Before I forget my dream last night let me quickly jot it down here. Without going into details, I saw my uncle opening a new store selling Christmas decorations and I was trying to cross this massive and long bridge. Along the way I thought I saw my childhood friend who I've been saying that I want to meet up for ages already but haven't yet. I don't know how he looks like any more but whoever I saw in the dream I thought it was him.

Bridge: To dream that you are crossing a bridge, signifies an important decision or a critical junction in your life. This decision will prove to be a positive change filled with prosperity and wealth in the horizon. Bridges represent a transitional period in your life where you will be moving on to a new stage. Alternatively, the bridge may indicate that you are trying to "bridge" or connect two things together.

To dream of a run-down bridge, indicates that you should not contemplate any major changes in your life at this time.

To see a bridge collapse in your dream, denotes that you have let a great opportunity pass you by.

Uncle: To see an uncle in your dream, represents some aspect of your family heritage and traits. It may also symbolize new ideas and emerging awareness. Consider the idiom "say uncle" to mean surrender or admitting defeat.

Christmas: To dream of Christmas, symbolizes family togetherness, reunions, celebration, peace, goodwill, generosity, and human kindness. It is also representative of new beginnings and fresh starts. Consider also your own associations with this holiday.

St ore: To see or be in a grocery or convenience store in your dream, suggests that you are emotionally and mentally strained. Alternatively, you may be brainstorming for new ideas or looking for the various choices out there for you. Alternatively, the dream may be a pun on what is in "store" for you. And thus it could signify the inevitable.

The last two is a bit off I think since I didn't dream of Christmas but of a store selling Christmas decorations or saw a grocery or convenience store. So they don't really apply to me. Anyway, I hope the bridge will signify something good coming into my life! *prays*

Twilight

2009-03-19T11:40:00.002+07:00

Nick downloaded this and wanted to watch it last night. I really didn't want to because I preferred reading it first. But even when I was standing in Asia Books reading the first few pages a couple weeks back I was just turned off by it because it sounded like just another teenybopper love story between a vampire and human. Oh those poor souls who are forbidden to love each other because they come from different races. *boo hoo* Anyway, after watching half of it I guess I'll buy a copy of it just to see how better the book is than the movie, which was awful because the acting (I thought) was unbelievably crap. Bella and Edward looked constipated throughout half of the movie.

Bolt

2009-03-16T14:00:00.003+07:00

Bolt is so cute!!! He reminds me so much of Ginger, especially the batman-like ears! I love Ginger so much! Go watch it~ Mittens is also such a cute name for a cat.

Meetings and Moving

2009-03-14T07:02:00.002+07:00

I'm so glad to get this week over with. I just completed an intense 3-day meeting yesterday. Feeling so tired but I still managed to wake up at 6.30 AM today. The meeting was held at the Four Wings Hotel and fortunately since we're the organizer of it we got a free room which I ended up staying in since I had to set up in the morning. Anyway, I'm definitely glad that is over although there's still tons to do starting Monday. Let me enjoy this weekend!

There's also a possibility that I could be moving to Singapore some time this year. But that's all still up in the air so who knows. It'll definitely be a big decision that I have to make though if that option comes up.

I Ran Through Two Traffic Lights

2009-03-09T07:48:00.004+07:00

Boom was feeling pretty tired and sick from driving in Ayuttaya so I drove for him a bit. The road signs and traffic lights in Ayuttaya are horrible! I didn't even see the traffic lights and I ran through like two of them. I was like already half-way passed the intersection before noticing, oh crap... it's red! Anyway, after the 2nd time I did that Boom went back to driving while I got booted to the back seat. Too many lives in my hands! I can't handle the pressure!

It's so hard not driving my own car! I'm really not used to driving a Honda Civic. Everything feels different. When I got into the back seat Nick had his damn seat belts on and he took them off when Boom started driving! :P That guy has so much trust in me.

Urinating

2009-03-05T10:12:00.003+07:00

I had another dream again. Actually it was a sequence of dreams but I only remembered the last one. I was on a ship in the middle of the ocean and had to go pee so I was waiting in front of the door. I really had to go! I was bursting! Finally, somebody came out so I rushed in. The room was so narrow that my shoulders could brush against the wall whenever I turned around. It was really uncomfortable when I had to sit down on the toilet seat. Furthermore, I had my period also in the dream. And the bathroom was dirty. So I was urinating, and then all of a sudden somebody opened the door. I can't remember who it was now but I remember there were a whole bunch of people outside and they were laughing.

Then I woke up and hoped that I didn't pee in my bed...

So I looked up the dream interpretation again and this was what it said:

Urination: To see urine in your dream, represents the feelings you have rejected.

To dream that you are urinating, symbolizes a cleansing and release of negative or repressed emotions. Depending on your dream context, urination is symbolic of having or lacking basic control of your life.

To dream that you are urinating in public, symbolizes a lack of privacy in your affairs or your need to make a public apology or confession.

Menstruation: To dream of menstruation, indicates that you are releasing your pent-up tension and worry. It signals an end to difficult times and the beginning of relaxation. It may mean that some creative energy is being released or recognized. Alternatively, you may be denying your feminine side.

For women in particular, dreaming of their menstrual cycle when it is not time yet, may indicate your anxiety about your cycle or may sometimes signal an early or unexpected period.

Studies have shown that more vivid dreams seem to coincide with a woman's menstrual cycle. Dreams about being pregnant, giving birth, or motherhood occur more often while women are ovulating.

Ship: To see a ship in your dream, denotes that you are exploring aspects of your emotions and unconscious mind. The state and condition of the ship is indicative of your emotional state. If it is a cruise ship, then it suggests pleasant moods. If it is a warship, then you are experiencing feelings of aggression.

To dream that you are sailing the high seas in a ship, denotes that you are standing tall in times emotional turmoil.

To dream that a ship crashed or is sinking, suggests that some aspect of your life is out of control. You are expressing some fear or uncertainly within your emotional state. You are afraid of losing something close to you because of certain difficulties.

To dream that you abandon ship, indicates that you need to move on and let go. An aspect of your emotion is holding you back and it is time to leave it behind. Alternatively, consider the phrase "jumping ship", to indicate changing of sides.

Off To

2009-03-04T21:16:00.003+07:00

Ayuttaya this weekend. The last time I was there was in 2003. On a free cruise for one of my trips that I had to write for Bangkok Post. That was a pretty sh*tty article though that I wrote.

Sunday I'll be going to Wat Sakaew, which is around there. My friend organizes this Children's Day at the school and is always looking for volunteers to help run the sports events and game booths.

Identical Hand Twin

2009-03-03T12:49:00.003+07:00

I just met my identical hand twin today. Some of you may have noticed but I have a bone that kind of sticks out on my left hand. If you look closely you'll see a round lump there. I have no idea how it got there. I've thought about it and concluded that I must've broken my hand when I was a kid and the bone didn't heal properly. Or something like that. Anyway, I just met somebody with the same hand as me, although it's located on her right hand! She's going to see a doctor today though so maybe it'll shed some light for me also when she gets diagnosed. I've never met anybody with this weird growth before. How exciting!

About A Year Ago

2009-03-02T21:01:00.004+07:00

I was probably lying on the beach, sipping free cocktails, playing on the swings, or riding an elephant. A friend messaged and wished me happy birthday. Then I later found out on my way back to Bangkok that his dad passed away. It was really sad. I later went to the funeral a week later. I no longer talk to this friend. Unless of course we bump into each other. Then a hello is fine. A simple how are you. An enthusiastic it's great to see you! But that's fine. At the end of March my grandma also passed away. It wasn't a great month. I think everything started going downhill after March. I cried so much since.

I remember one night when I went to Noriegas and Tapas. It was so crowded at Tapas that I lost this small cute duck plush doll wearing a bear suit key chain I have hanging on my bag. It has March 1 written on its belly. I was drunk. And I cried. I was so sad. I often cry a lot over things I put a lot of meaning into. Probably way more than I should.

Years ago Pete gave me a bunny. I can't remember for what occasion. But I put a lot of meaning into that stuff animal too. It was yellow. Very faded. It looked like something out of a Winnie the Pooh book. It was like my security blanket for a while. After we broke up, it took a while for me to put it away in a box. Along with the music box. The pink candle sitting in a glass on a rocking chair. A mug. And all that stuff.

Yesterday I saw and felt a number of things. I spent a lot of time with Ginger. I had to dogsit her because my mom was away. I really love Ginger. And I've only noticed then that to actually love something or someone or some dog comes with a lot of pain. I don't even really know why I'm crying. But I just know that when I look at Ginger, I can see it in her eyes that she recognizes me. And I guess that's more than enough reason for me to love her unconditionally.

2009-03-01T21:45:00.001+07:00

Somebody asked me a while ago, "Are you OK with not knowing what's going to happen in the future?"

I'll answer that tomorrow because I'm tired and going to eat my cake.

2009-03-01T14:36:00.000+07:00

Men are so full of shit. They say one thing and then forget about it.

Out and About

2009-02-28T21:58:00.005+07:00

Finally had a chance to check out Minibar Royale in Sukhumvit 23 last night. I wasn't really sure what I was expecting... I guess I thought the restaurant would be something out of a French noir movie, something that was more dark and mysterious, with detectives puffing cigars at the booth and beady looking guys throwing darts and playing pool. But it turned out to be a very classy up-scale place. I guess I was a bit disappointed. Still, I really like the name. I think anything with Royale sounds cool. I definitely want to try eating there though, but I thought the drinks were horrendous. I had a Cranberry Gin Fizz and La Pomegranate (which was crap). Everything seemed to be mixed with sparkling wine. I really enjoyed my night out with the girls though although Malisa made me cry :P (just a little bit... hehe).

Then I went to Narcissus Club nearby and met up with Boom, Nick and his pals from university, probably drank and danced for 4-5 hours straight. Haven't done this in a while. I think I had a bit too much to drink. Got home at around 5 am. It was so difficult to wake up at 11 am this morning to meet my parents for dim sum. My face was also still red and blotchy from the drinking last night. My mom thought I used a new brand of face lotion and told me to stop changing brands.

Talking about drinks, do go to CentralWorld and eat at Kuu. It's a Japanese restaurant (it's on the movie theater floor) and the AVOCADO SMOOTHIE is heavenly. It feels so light, not too sweet, perfect. I love it!!!! My favorite drink now. I also tried the Lychee Jasmine smoothie which was also superb.

SCAD (Soi Cats and Dogs)

2009-02-25T20:45:00.004+07:00

Today I went to the SCAD Volunteer Orientation after work and was pretty glad that I did. SCAD is a non-profit organization, which stands for Soi Cats and Dogs (it was previously more popularly known as Soi Dog Rescue), and is a great initiative to help reduce the number of stray cats and dogs on the streets. They do a number of activities ranging from creating awareness to the plights of strays in Bangkok, to promoting better animal birth control and being more responsible pet owners, to being a temporary animal shelter and providing health treatments, to being an adoption center for strays and finding loving homes for them. With the number of strays no doubt being a problem in Thailand, I think SCAD's really dedicated to solving this problem, or at least making an active attempt to do so.

They're always looking for volunteers so I contacted them and Carolyn, who's the Volunteer Coordinator, got in touch with me. I came in today and had a chance to talk to her and a few other core volunteers who were also there. Carolyn's actually a psychologist and her husband works at the UN ESCAP, such a small world. She really thinks I can contribute my skills (in developing communication materials, web site maintenance, helping out at events and providing translation Thai/English) so I really hope that I can help somewhat. She also needs somebody to help with designing these communication materials so I've suggested Nick who's a great designer (who did express interest in becoming a volunteer also). I think it would be really fun and good to work on this together, use our creativity and skills for a good cause. You know, to do something different during the weekend than just walking around malls.

Anyway, I'm pretty excited.

On Birthdays and Holidays

2009-02-23T17:43:00.003+07:00

It's that time of the year where I wish I can just go out to the woods and live in a cabin. So that maybe my existence wouldn't get accounted for except perhaps by squirrels and trees.

VGA

2009-02-23T17:36:00.002+07:00

Finally got a cable that connects my laptop to the TV. Happiness! I can watch anime and movies on big screen now!

A River and Raft

2009-02-21T08:49:00.008+07:00

Last night I had a dream again. Not really sure of the details but I think I was on a raft in a river. I was definitely on a river though. I think the river was raging and I was trying to guide my raft through it.

Raft: To see a raft in your dream, indicates that you have not built a firm foundation for yourself. There is still much work ahead.

To dream that you are floating on a raft, suggests that you are drifting through life, not knowing where you are headed. You are confused about your purpose and direction in life.

To dream that you are white water rafting, signifies that after going through some turbulent times, your sadness and pain will slowly disappear.

River: To see a clear and calm river in your dream, indicates that you are allowing your life to float away or that you are just going with the flow. It is time to take a more decisive role in directing your life. Alternatively, a river symbolizes joyful pleasures, peace and prosperity.

To see a raging river, signifies that your life is feeling out of control. If the river is muddy, then it indicates turmoil, tumultuous times and jealousy in your life.

To dream that you are bathing in a river, represents purification and cleansing.

To dream that a river is comprised of flowing red chili, refers to the raw emotion, intense passion or anger that is flowing through you and yearning to be expressed.

2 KG of Muscle

2009-02-20T21:10:00.008+07:00

Yup that's right, I gained two kg of muscles. I weighed myself yesterday and I'm now two kg heavier. I'm not sure if I should be happy? I mean, my fat decreased, I think I look the same, I can still fit in the jeans I bought months ago, but I'm two kg heavier! Noooo! I asked the personal trainer there what I should do to maintain the weight I had before but still keep my muscles and he suggested that I could watch what I eat more. He even remembers me at the gym and knows that I run everyday. Nick calls me the Speedy Kiwi because I run a lot and (probably) faster than most guys there. Nick's the Mighty Kiwi. Anyway, the personal trainer said that I may weigh more but I would look different than somebody who weighs the same as me but have more fat.

God I'm eating so much now ever since I've been going to the gym practically everyday. I wolf down bags of fruits and I snack a lot at night. I've decided to stop snacking at night (no more cereal, fruits, yoghurt, muesli, peanut butter, milk, etc). I'll just limit myself to one snack a night. I love the smell of oats. Nick and I finished the cookies I made for Valentine's Day. Yummy! It's good we didn't really have to fight over which cookies to eat because he liked the chocolate banana oatmeal ones while I liked the wholewheat oatmeal cookies.

Nick and I thought about joining a marathon. Not sure if there's going to be any in Bangkok?

Dr. Don the Chiropractor

2009-02-20T20:46:00.005+07:00

So I went to see a chiropractor on Wednesday. His name's Dr. Don Nakaya and he's American/Japanese. I was googling up chiropractor in Thailand and most internet forums suggested him or Dr. Mark Leoni. Dr. Mark was quite expensive I think (2200 for the first visit and 1700 baht after). His office is located in Ekamai. Dr. Don was 1800 for the first visit and 1400 baht after. His office is closer to my place (Sukhumvit 23) so I chose that one instead. I'm still a bit hesitant about this whole chiropractor thing because I don't know whether this will actually cure my upper-back pain or not but I thought that I should give it a shot anyway.

It was still expensive I think. There was another place called DSpine on Thonglor that was cheaper but you have to pay like 12000 baht for 10 times at once. At the Doc's place, he asked me some questions about where I had the pain and felt the tightness. So far so good. He told me to lay down and then he ran some electric pulses through my neck. It really tickled at first and I couldn't help but giggle. It's suppose to help relax my muscles I think. After a good 10 minutes, he came back and started to crack my back. It felt great! He twisted my neck and hips also. It was kind of scary when he twisted my neck though. That man could've killed me! He also said that my left leg is 3 cm longer than my right leg! Interesting!

Anyway, the whole checkup took 20-30 minutes. It was so short! I really wanted him to do some more cracking or even massaging. He told me to come back in 2-3 days. I made an appointment for next Wednesday but I just remembered that I have to go to the SCAD volunteer orientation that evening. At first I thought of going there 2-3 more times just to see if it'll make my back better but I might not any more. It kind of felt the same as getting a Thai massage (the cracking that is). I might just wait and go see an osteopath in France when I go there with Nick this mid-July. He said he's really good and cost only 30 Euros.

I can't wait to go to France in the summer.

Interpretations

2009-02-18T12:20:00.003+07:00

Last night I dreamt that I had a stomach surgery. The dream wasn't of the actual surgery itself, but afterwards as I could see the bandage and feel the incision/stitches made on my stomach. I think I was in pain because I had to move from one place to another place pretty often.

Anyway, I googled up the dream interpretation of stomach surgery and found that:

To dream that you or someone else is undergoing surgery represents the opening of the self and the need for emotional healing. You need to eliminate something from your life that is not positive. This is also a very common dream for those who are facing surgery in real life.

And if you dreamt about having stitches:

To dream that you have stitches, represents your responsibility in keeping and holding a situation or relationship together. You may fear that this situation/relationship is falling apart and needs to be mended. Consider also the symbolism of where the stitches are on the body for additional clues.

Also on the same website, if you dreamt about your stomach:

To see your own stomach in your dream, suggests the beginning of new changes in your life. The dream may highlight your difficulties with accepting these changes. It is also indicative of how you can no longer tolerate or put up with a particular situation, relationship, or person. The stomach is often seen as the center of emotions.

The other night Nick dreamt about a crocodile, so here's the meaning:

To see a crocodile in your dream, symbolizes freedom, hidden strength and power. It forewarns of hidden danger. Someone near you is giving you bad advice and is trying to sway you into poor decisions. Because crocodiles can live in water and on land, they also represent your conscious and unconscious and the emotional and the rational. Perhaps something is coming to the surface and you are on the verge of some new awareness.

Alternatively, the crocodile may be an aspect of yourself and your aggressive and "snappy" attitude. Or it may reveal that you are being insincere, displaying false emotions and shedding "crocodile tears".

To dream that you are chased or bitten by a crocodile, denotes disappointments in love and in business.

Spells

2009-02-16T19:37:00.003+07:00

Spells of melancholy. I definitely can tell when it's about to hit me. And why even.

I keep spelling spells speels...

My Back

2009-02-16T14:50:00.002+07:00

Made an appointment to visit a chiropractor (a Dr. Mark Leoni in Ekamai Soi 26) for Wednesday evening after work. I've had this nagging upper-back pain for a long while now (since sophomore year of college). Hope this helps. It's kind of expensive. 2200 baht for the first session and then 1700 baht after. I'm going to call this other place tomorrow around Sukhumvit 23 and see if this one is cheaper.

Hanoi and Halong Bay

2009-02-16T11:46:00.006+07:00

It definitely took me a while to get used to Hanoi, which reminded me of China and Nepal combined. Most of the people looked and dressed like Chinese people (or at least what I remembered of China when I went to Beijing back in 2001). They were also just as loud as them. The streets and traffic were similar to Kathmandu, except that the roads were paved whereas Kathmandu had mostly dirt roads so it was pretty dusty (in Kathmandu). Reminiscent of Kathmandu was also the amount of incessant honking involved. Cars and motorcycles cannot move an inch without steady honking. No laws governed these roads. Motorcycles had whole families sitting on them. Others had pots of plants tied to the backseat. It was madness. I think I’d throw a fit if I was driving here.

Actually, I was a bit surprised at how backwards the city was. I visited Kuala Lumpur in November 2008 and was surprised at how advanced it was, so I guess I expected the same for Hanoi. I’ve heard so much of how Vietnam was developing very quickly in the last few years that I kind of expected it to look almost like Bangkok or Kuala Lumpur. However, Vietnam definitely needs a few decades to catch up.

Anyway, touches of French architecture can be seen throughout Hanoi. The buildings are built very narrow (and tall, almost 4-6 floors). And interestingly, as our tour guide to Halong Bay told us, people only paint the front of the house and leave the sides unpainted because other people will most likely build another house right next to it anyway. Many family generations live in the same house, which I found to be quite nice. The older generation lives in the bottom, and the younger ones are on top. I guess I wouldn’t mind having my parents live below me as long as we’re separated by floors. Baguettes are also found on the roads. I didn’t get a chance to try them but they looked really good! I love French bread.

They also bury their deceased family members on the rice paddy fields. So as you drive along the road, you’ll notice (many) tombstones on the fields as you see farmers planting their rice. The tour guide made an attempt at cracking a joke by saying that they made excellent fertilizers.

From my personal impression, life in Vietnam seems to revolve around mainly money. I thought it was interesting how the tour guides kept mentioning how thankful they were that we were putting money in their pockets by visiting the country. They also had this weird leer whenever they said that, which made me feel slightly uncomfortable. I guess other people have a more subtle way of showing greed (like me). Vietnamese people are tough and hardworking folks though considering what they’ve been through in the past.

There were no price tags to anything in Vietnam, which I found extremely difficult as I felt they were ripping me off constantly. You definitely have to bargain even for street pho (Vietnamese noodles) and they ranged anywhere from 15000 – 30000 dong. I paid 20000 dong for a bowl of pho, but the lady was going to charge me 30000 dong at first. They also love US dollars, so you can buy almost anything with this currency. It was about 17000 dong for 1 US dollars when I was there. It probably would’ve been better if I paid a dollar for the noodles instead of in dong actually. I also have issues with people taking advantage of me (like everybody else I’m sure), so I definitely didn’t like feeling ripped off. I don’t mind paying for expensive food as long as everybody’s paying the same price tag.

It’s nice if you know somebody in Vietnam who can show you around and where to eat (Yes, I’m all about the food). I had extremely horrific luck eating pho the first night I was there (my pho tasted like overcooked noodles and tap water), but luckily, Nick’s friend was there afterwards and she took us to eat at a buffet restaurant ($10 US), which served a terrific assortment of Vietnamese food (I love the spring rolls!). I also love the Vietnamese sweets, which was one of the best things I discovered in Vietnam. I also found out that the sweets I bought back to Thailand expired on the 13th so I was really sad to throw away all of my boxes of Ban Comh. At night, we also went for drinks at a Latino Bar on top of a pretty posh hotel. It felt like being at Vertigo or The Nest.

Halong Bay was beautiful, although it was cold and foggy when I went. Don’t take the cruise if you’re there. I don’t think it’s worth it as you can save time and money by just going there yourself and renting a boat to take you around to the main islands for a day. I went on the Phoenix Halong Bay Cruiser (it was US $79, don’t take it). The room was nice but there was no hot water, the food was very simple and bland, and they only took us to one island (The Cave of Surprizes). Actually, I don’t think I’m much of a boat person because eventually my sheer excitement of being on a boat dies down and boredom kicks in as there’s only a limited amount of space that I can explore. After that, you’re just stuck on the boat watching islands slowly go by. I felt the same when I was in New Zealand and took the Milford Sound cruise. I guess I would prefer tramping around the islands than just looking at them from afar. But gazing at the stars at night was definitely romantic (and cold and wet).

So it took me a while to appreciate Hanoi. It definitely had its charms. I really liked walking through the Old Quarters, which had tons of shops selling various things. A street in Vietnam also usually just sells one thing, for example just Vietnamese sweets, or silverware, or silk, etc. Shops, houses and restaurants also have an orange tree in the front to bring in good luck. The tour guide said it was good feng shui. We stayed at the Indochina Hotel I (US $35), which was in the Old Quarters and just around the corner from the lake and St. Joseph Cathedral. The rooms were good but we got upgraded to a better room on the last night because the power kept shutting off on the first night. There were also no shower curtains so I pretty much flooded the bathroom while I took a shower.

Cookies

2009-02-15T18:57:00.002+07:00

Friday night I was over at Clare's house baking cookies! I think they came out OK although one of them was kind of mushy.

The first one I made had no flour, no sugar, no butter in them. Yeah, I know, doesn't sound like a cookie huh? It was a healthy cookie recipe I found online made from almond flour (I had to buy almond slices and had to use a food processor to grind it into flour), shredded coconut, oats and chocolate chips. It came out alright, I think.

The second type I made were wholewheat oatmeal cookies which I really like! It's also pretty healthy to eat. Nick likes the first one I made more, but I like this one more.

Clare shook her head and asked whether I was making these cookies for myself or Nick. Well I was making it so I can eat them too!

I really like baking. I wish I have a kitchen.

Falling Slowly

2009-02-15T11:40:00.002+07:00

I love discovering songs that I could put on repeat again and again, and again. It's the words, the way the guitar's being played, the way the song's are arranged that totally moves me, unbelievably so.

Right now that song is Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard.

I'm also downloading the movies Great Expectations and Once.

I really like Ethan Hawke but I think it's more his character that he played in Before Sunset and Reality Bites that I like more. But he really fits those roles! Witty and smart. Not so much of an outgoing fellow, but talkative to just his friends. A dry sense of humor. A non-comformist.

Once

2009-02-13T22:48:00.002+07:00

Finally downloaded the song Falling Slowly from the movie soundtrack, Once. I heard that song randomly one December night on TV and told myself that I'll download it. But I forgot all about it since then... Good thing I saw it written on my notepad...

Banh Com

2009-02-13T08:36:00.005+07:00

If you ever get a chance to go to Vietnam, I really recommend trying this Vietnamese sweet called Banh Com. It's made out of rice with a nutty filling. It is soooooo good! The best part of my trip to Hanoi was definitely eating this. Yes, it was really good!

Here's a picture. It looks kind of icky because it's green like boogers but it's so yummy! I'll talk more about my trip later. Hanoi's pretty nice, but it definitely takes some time to get used to all the motorcycles, honking, and disorder on the streets. I brought some back (the sweets) so will share them with my friends whenever I see them.

Two Puppies

2009-02-06T07:43:00.002+07:00

Yesterday I met Chieng at the gym and he commented that Nick and Toey have this puppy look to them where Nick looks like a calm and docile puppy (so adorable!) while Toey looks like a loud and aggressive puppy.

I just thought that was funny and I guess I like guys with that puppy look.

By the way, I'll be volunteering at SCAD (it was previously Soi Dog Rescue) this month. Not sure what I'll be doing yet because I have to go in for orientation on the 24th but I'm looking forward to helping out the organization. Maybe in events organization, fundraising, PR, translation, admin work, and of course, taking care of the dogs and cats.

My horoscope seems pretty true so far... it even mentioned something about charity work. It also mentioned something about one project ending at work and another one starting, which is completely true since I'll be moving from this early childhood project I'm doing to looking into more gender-related issues. Freaky and interesting...

A Small World

2009-02-03T15:18:00.000+07:00

I was surprised this morning when my colleague (who sat in the same room as me) said she knew my family from the days when we were living in Pakistan. She’s a few years older than me so she was in middle school when I was in elementary school at the International School of Islamabad. Apparently, our parents were close friends. Her dad worked with WHO while my dad worked with the UN. I remember that Thai families whose parents worked in international organizations or were diplomats usually hung out together abroad and I vaguely remember her and her brothers now. It’s freaky how small the world is. She also remembered that my mom makes a mean Kao Mun Gai and that our brothers used to play together. She also said that I was quiet, loved to read and was surrounded by books. I don’t even remember when I started to read books.

How to Move On

2009-02-02T09:00:00.001+07:00

It looks like I’ll be going to Malaysia on April 13-15 for work. I think I’ll take a few extra days beforehand or after the seminar to look around since I didn’t get to explore KL at all the last time I was there.

I’m really looking forward to all these trips abroad. I’m also planning on taking my mom to Hong Kong. She’s been nagging me about this since last year. I was thinking of going to Japan (Osaka, Kyoto) but since it’s a weekend trip I think somewhere close by would be better. Plus, I have to see first whether I can stand her for a short period of time before I start thinking about spending a week with her in Japan.

I was reading this book called Why We Love by Helen Fisher last night. She gave some pretty useful tips on how to move on from a breakup. So something to do and think about (This by no means reflect what I’ve done in the past few months. I’m just repeating what she said):

1. Throw away everything or put everything that reminds you of him/her in a box. I actually think this is a very important thing to do. Erase all traces of their existence. I guess there’s no point in keeping it lying around when you’re trying to reconstruct your life, is there? Did I do this? No.

2. Meditation. I haven’t tried this yet either. But my friend at work is going so I might tag along. I don’t even like Yoga and I’m sure it follows the same principles. Anyway, I’ll check it out. I think this would be beneficial for me in more than one way.

3. Keep busy. Yes! Take drawing classes, learn how to play the guitar, go out with friends, write a short story, join a club, go volunteer at an orphanage, go shopping, travel, go to the gym. Staying active keeps your mind off things and raises the level of dopamine (the chemical that makes you happy). Doing things that makes you feel rewarded or accomplished will make you happy. It was mentioned that exercising is the best way to raise the levels of dopamine. I’ve been going to the gym everyday (well at least 6 days a week) but I think this has become a habit more than anything else now. Plus, I’ve become such a health junkie (it’s driving Nick insane. I think the next time I look at the calorie count of a drink or food he’s going to smack me).

4. Avoid places you used to hang out. Go to new restaurants, stay clear of the usual neighborhoods, or join a new gym. I was a complete failure at this.

5. Be angry. She did say that focusing on his or her negative points will help. It doesn’t matter if you guys broke up on good terms or whether he was honorable or not. It just doesn’t matter. Did I do this? No.

There were a few more points that she said but I can’t remember them.

World Map

2009-01-30T08:13:00.000+07:00

I want a world map.

January is Ending!

2009-01-30T08:01:00.003+07:00

Yes I'm happy about this.

But time really does fly.

Also looking forward to my trip to Hanoi next weekend!

Going to eat at an Indian restaurant in Nana tonight and perhaps off to Long Table?

Can't wait to see Chieng some time this week also! I'm really happy that he's here.

Thinking if I should go look at a condo tomorrow at Sukhumvit 50.

Going to grandma's tomorrow. Hopefully I can bring Ginger along... I get so worried that she doesn't have a chance to run around too much in my mom's small house. Hopefully I'll get some ang pao (red envelopes) too from her :P

Random Updates

2009-01-28T07:25:00.004+07:00

Haven't really felt like updating in a while. Feeling quite blank these days.

Been sleeping really early like 8 or 9 PM sometimes. I think it's coz I've been going to the gym almost everyday and working out like crazy. My body feels so tired.

Yes, Jane, I think you're right. Those were cat's paw prints and not dogs. Silly me! Nick called me that day and said, "You know they could be from cats..." I didn't even think about it!

Discovered a really good Thai restaurant right near my apartment. You wouldn't think it's good at all from the outside but I'm so impressed by the food. I have a feeling I'll be eating there quite often.

Watched Sliding Doors last night. I love Irish accents. They're so interesting.

Met Clare, Man Ling and some other RIS people last Friday at Londoners. It's great to see them. I haven't seen Man Ling since high school graduation!

Bumped into Teerapong yesterday at the gym.

I can't wait for Vietnam next month. I feel like I just need to get away from Thailand and January as a whole.

I want a cactus. Three actually.

Chieng is coming back this Friday. Can't wait to see him again! I'm happy he's coming back more often now.

I want to bake.

I think I've gone back to "save the money", or in other words "stingy" mode. I was spending all of my money the past 3-4 months and haven't really saved anything at all. I've decided to save 3/4 of my salary this year and will probably put a limit to how much I spend each month.

Dogs Running Over My Car

2009-01-23T08:00:00.003+07:00

There are small paw prints on my car's windshield!!!

How'd it get there?

Work Updates

2009-01-22T07:49:00.004+07:00

I was feeling a bit more relieved yesterday since I ran into my boss who asked me about my contract. Since my contract is ending February I've been stressing out about how long my contract will be extended for because I've been hearing all these different things from different people. Anyway, if my boss doesn't change his mind I think my contract will be extended for another 5 months and then I'll have to take a 1 month break (I know, it's weird but their rule regulates that because I'm a consultant I have to take a 1 month break once I've worked for 11 months before I continue again). Then my contract will have to be extended again for the third time. So looks like I'll be having a month off in July or August. Not sure what I'll be doing but I guess I'll go travel somewhere. It seems like my role at work will also increase and include gender issues too (apart from early childhood development). I'm pretty excited about this.

France

2009-01-21T07:39:00.003+07:00

I haven't really updated properly in a while. I guess a lot of things have been happening in January. I've gotta say though, I don't think January's been one of my best months. I don't know. Sometimes I feel an air of depression around me but this time I actually feel it around others as well.

I also haven't really talked much about my trip in France. I really enjoyed Paris. My favorite place in Paris was this area call Montmartre, which is an area in the north and is very hilly. On top is a Cathedral with the name such as the Sacred Heart. Just hearing the name makes me like it already. My favorite area is next to it in the Artist’s Village. Here, many artists come and paint and sell their paintings. And I’ve also got to mention that these artists produce such beautiful works. I really wanted a painting but it was expensive and I thought it wouldn’t be a good idea to haul it all over France as I was going to many places. A lot of famous artists like Salvador Dali, Picasso and Van Gogh all used to have studios and lived there. Pictures can be found on my Facebook.

The South of France was also very pretty. It’s got all these small villages perched on a cliff that makes it look so heavenly. My favorite village was St. Paul, which is near Nice. It’s got these small streets and ateliers (workshops) lining it. My favorite word in French right now is atelier. I think it’s got to do with this game I wanted to play when I was a kid called Atelier Iris. I always thought atelier meant light but I guess not. I think I’ve managed to visit a lot of cities in the South, thanks to Nick and his family, I went to Manosque (Nick’s hometown and where the L’Occitane factory is located), neighboring Aix en Provence (another nice town with a lot of universities and meandering streets full of shops), Marseille (the third largest city in France, I didn’t really like it though), Avignon (sounds like something from King Arthur so I really liked the city. I visited the Palace of the Pope, which was really nice and crossed the bridge over the river Rhine), Nice (a very pretty beach town with too many traffic lights. Loved the houses there though, very beautiful architecture), Monaco (I got there at night so didn’t really get to see much, had some bad Italian food), St. Paul (my favorite!), passed through Gorde (another village). We also visited Versaille while we were in Paris. It was a bit too upscale for my taste though although very impressive. The Provence area that I went to is also known for their lavender fields but it was too bad that none of it was growing when I went there because it was winter.

When we were traveling to all these places I felt like I was in an RPG game because the towns really look like the ones in the games (with the church, blacksmith, workshops, fountains, cobblestone walkways, hotels). It was just really cute.

I also love the houses in France. It’s really colorful (tones of peach, purple, pink, orange) and has that rugged look. I also love the medieval-looking doors, painted wooden windows and balconies. I guess if I was to have a house in Thailand I’d like to build it like that.

The food was also great. I always kind of wondered what French food was, and I’m probably still wondering what it is because I can’t really describe it. But I do love the French onion soups, their pastries, spreads (they’ve got so many yummy ones!), saucissons, and pate d’amande (almond paste rolled into fruit-shapes). I think the French take just as much time into food presentation just like the Japanese people do with their food. I also ate a lot of nuts, figs and dates while I was there. I think I turned into a squirrel.

I also liked the French subway system in Paris. It was so convenient as it went everywhere and it wasn’t confusing at all.

It was a good thing I guess that Nick was there because whenever I spoke French most people kind of just ignored me and talked to Nick instead. I’m not really sure what to think of that.

Feeling Stressed

2009-01-13T08:34:00.003+07:00

January, and I'm feeling the stress already. And I thought this month was suppose to be slow and relaxing for me. My contract for work is ending at the end of February and I have no clue how long it'll be extended for. Two months? Three? Six? I never realized how important job security was until now. If it gets extended for a short period, I'm not so much worried about finding a new job because I'm sure I'll find SOMETHING, but I know it's going to be frustrating finding a job that I like.

That being said, I'm pretty certain that I'm going to stop going to my guitar class. I hate saying that I don't have time to practice but I'm pretty much putting all of my time into other things (like going to the gym). I should start saving more too.

The Dog Crossing the Street

2008-12-18T07:24:00.002+07:00

I was driving yesterday in the morning and I saw a scruffy dog crossing the street, stop at that section of the road where people can wait, and continue to cross after the cars died down. It was funny because I thought to myself that the dog looked like it knew what it was doing, walking so nonchalently on the road, stopping, waiting, as though it was so used to crossing that road. Then I thought to myself, it would suck if the dog got scared halfway and remained in the middle of the road. Not being able to turn back, or go forward because the dog's scared of being hit by a car. So I thought to myself, once you commit yourself to something, just finish it and never do it halfway. Or don't bother crossing the street at all.