The Picture of Death

Have you ever pictured somebody you love dying? Do you remember how it felt? It’s such a horrible, sinking feeling in your heart. For some reason, when I’m lying in bed at night, I would sometimes imagine or have these haunting dreams of my mom or Toey dying. And it breaks my heart in such a different way.

It only takes a matter of seconds before the tears wells up in my eyes and all you can hear in the middle of the night are my sobs penetrating the still darkness. I wonder why I do these things to myself.

I do know though, that I’m affected so much by their deaths only because they are the two people I love the most. My mom being the connection I have of what a family is, and Toey for bearing my endless pain and loving me.