Stressful July and Probably August

I honestly don't know if I'm looking for trouble. I have the option of staying at my current level for another year (slight increase in salary) or have my job jump a level (hence being promoted and a somewhat jump in salary). If I choose to go for the level jump, I would have to re-apply again to my current post and compete with others so that the most suitable person gets it. This is insane. Of course I would be the strongest candidate since I already know the job. But then again, it's not guaranteed also that I would get it, although it seems pretty unlikely that I will NOT get it. My boss and team supports me, I have great evaluations, what's there to worry then? Well, the qualifications might not match as they'd require somebody with 7 years of experience. Still, I can word it in such a way to say that I do have it. But freakin HR can be very particular about this.

Anyway, I was going to go for the level jump but I've decided to ask my boss for this weekend to think about it some more. I feel stupid even. I was the one that started talking to my boss about this whole level thing and I feel that if I don't go through with it then it'll show what a coward I am to play it safe? He understands though and knows that it's a very important decision. I don't want to end up being a fool if I suddenly lost this job to some dude with 10 years of communications experience when I already had it in the beginning.

But when I think about it, I don't like going back on my words. I asked for it so I should finish it. I think it's a risk we all have to take if we want to advance in our careers. Except that if I don't get it this time, I'll be jobless (for a while) and probably kicking myself in the butt. What's really the worst that could happen? I end up jobless and I'd have to look for other jobs, which will open other opportunities for me. Should I be scared? Or should I welcome this change? But I love this job and what I'm doing. But I know also that my own downfall would probably be because of my own damn greediness and ambition to climb that ladder, and there's still a lot of rungs to climb if I want to move up this organization.

My dad, boss and other colleague who supervises some of my work thinks it shouldn't be a problem. If anything bad just happened, it's probably because I just showed my lack of confidence by asking my boss to think about this over the weekend. But I think it's understandable considering it's a very important choice. On the other hand, my friends at work think it's risky. They would say, why not stick to something stable? I think this whole thing is stupid actually. I'm applying for the same job that I'm doing well in now and I'm worried about not getting it? I think that's silly and stupid reasoning. If I don't get it, I think it just seriously means that I should be doing something else.

I'm being indecisive again and I don't like it. I need to stop listening to other people and decide on my own.

"Remember that it's not what you face that counts, but rather how you cope with those circumstances. When we are under stress, we don't have the energy to put on any kind of pretense, and we come face to face with our true self, to the very essence of our soul."