Seriously, this thing is really bothering me

I realized after re-examining my feelings and who I am, even though I always said that I welcome changes and challenges, I know that I still balk at the unknown. I think this is the perfect situation that really determines what type of person I am.

Somebody told me before that I can't handle not knowing what's going to happen in the future. Which is kind of ironic because nobody does really know what's going to happen in the future, but we can make it easier on ourselves to choose things that will in a way shine a light a few steps ahead of us so that we know what the next few days, or few months, holds.

Maybe stability and having a sense of security are important to me. It does give me comfort. And to ask whether I'm scared or not about losing my job, then I'll probably say that I am scared shitless that my choice will result in me being jobless for the next few months.

I asked myself whether I will regret it or not if I don't take the level jump. And honestly, when I really think about it, I know that I won't. I might be passing up a very easy opportunity to get promoted because I'd rather stick to something that I have for sure, but I think that's because I know there will always be other opportunities. It's like when I had to choose to go to Bangladesh or not and I chose not to go, although the consequences are probably not as severe as this.

Maybe in the end I just have to accept that I am too chicken to risk losing this job, especially now with the economy being so bad and knowing how hard it's going to be to find a job that I like doing.