About A Year Ago

I was probably lying on the beach, sipping free cocktails, playing on the swings, or riding an elephant. A friend messaged and wished me happy birthday. Then I later found out on my way back to Bangkok that his dad passed away. It was really sad. I later went to the funeral a week later. I no longer talk to this friend. Unless of course we bump into each other. Then a hello is fine. A simple how are you. An enthusiastic it's great to see you! But that's fine. At the end of March my grandma also passed away. It wasn't a great month. I think everything started going downhill after March. I cried so much since.

I remember one night when I went to Noriegas and Tapas. It was so crowded at Tapas that I lost this small cute duck plush doll wearing a bear suit key chain I have hanging on my bag. It has March 1 written on its belly. I was drunk. And I cried. I was so sad. I often cry a lot over things I put a lot of meaning into. Probably way more than I should.

Years ago Pete gave me a bunny. I can't remember for what occasion. But I put a lot of meaning into that stuff animal too. It was yellow. Very faded. It looked like something out of a Winnie the Pooh book. It was like my security blanket for a while. After we broke up, it took a while for me to put it away in a box. Along with the music box. The pink candle sitting in a glass on a rocking chair. A mug. And all that stuff.

Yesterday I saw and felt a number of things. I spent a lot of time with Ginger. I had to dogsit her because my mom was away. I really love Ginger. And I've only noticed then that to actually love something or someone or some dog comes with a lot of pain. I don't even really know why I'm crying. But I just know that when I look at Ginger, I can see it in her eyes that she recognizes me. And I guess that's more than enough reason for me to love her unconditionally.