Day 4

I still am not feeling better. Yesterday, I didn't have to go into work because of the PAD protests near my work office (UNICEF) so I stayed at my parent's house. I didn't write about my Day 2 evening so just to recap, I met up with Nut in the evening to talk. I know he's Toey's friend but we also worked together at my old job so I knew I could trust him. I don't know if anything he said, or what anybody has said to me, could ever make me feel better. Maybe it would work for a couple of hours, and my heart would feel calmer, but nothing anybody say would probably make things better unless Toey himself says it...

To make matters worst, my brother was in a car accident and the front of his car is totally wrecked. He's fine though. I just kept thinking, things are just getting worse and worse and worse in my life right now. I told my brother about what I'm going through right now and he listened. He told me to just move on, because when guys say they need a break to figure out their feelings, it probably means that he's thinking of going out with other girls and that there is probably someone or something going on that's really shaking his love for you. Feelings do not just change unless there's a reason. I know Toey, and I trust him. But I can't help but think that the age difference is a key factor as he's young and probably want to see his options and explore. It hurts just thinking about it.

Then I talked to Tae at night. He's probably the only one who's optimistic about it (including Nut), who said that if you really love him, you would wait for his answer. Because at least you've tried. And that trying part really makes a difference in the end. Of course, everybody else is telling me that it's already a breakup and that I need to make it clear to him so that I can put an end to my suffering.

So Day 3, I stayed at home. And I cried. Probably for at least 10 hours, out of the 24 hours in a day. I told my dad and my mom about what happened. And they both told me to forget about it, and that it's a good thing. My mom told me not to contact him, because if he really wants to be with you, he will talk to you. She said, why are you crying for him, when he doesn't even know. He could be out there enjoying himself so much right now, and being with another girl.

Day 3 was really hard. My dad gave me a sleeping pill so I can fall asleep at night. I woke up in the middle of the night a couple times because my stomach was hurting really badly. But I managed to sleep most of the time, which I'm really relieved that I did.

This morning it was hard getting out of bed, but I knew I had to go into work. I really need to get August over with, although I know that September wouldn't be much better, but at least I can think of it as a brand new month.