My Family

The last time I remembered my family being together was when I was in Grade 3, when we were in Pakistan. I had to move back to Thailand with my mom, my dad was sent off on a mission in Bosnia, and my brother went to college. I remember clearly that day when he went to the airport. I sat on his suitcase and would not budge because I knew if I move, he will leave, so I sat there and my parents had to drag me off the suitcase. That night, I slept falling asleep with the smell of his t-shirt wrapped snugly around me so I can go to sleep. And that was me in Grade 3.

I grew up with a huge scar in my heart. Not as bad as others I am sure because I know my family loves me, but I've never felt close to them. I could never express my emotions in front of them. It was hard for me to laugh, cry, ask them for help, or just be myself around them.

When this incident happened last month, my dad, who most of my life has been a stranger to me, ended up being the one who supported and understanding me the most. And I was deeply surprized. And grateful. Because they didn't ask me any questions. But listened. And only wanted me to feel better. It actually was harder talking to my mom, who raised me alone since I was in Grade 4, or my brother. Maybe it's because they are both Aries. They're very practical and realistic.

I ended up crying not only just because of the breakup, but because of my family problems. And this time I spilled out everything to them. From missing my brother who we used to be so close when we were kids, how everything he liked from reading fantasy books, comics, and playing games, I know I got it all from him. And from our family never being together.

My dad said they didn't know how to approach me. That I was inaccessible. I wouldn't say that my family was broken. But there were definitely barriers because we couldn't communicate.

But everything is different now. And I am so glad.

Last night my brother came to talk to me, and I shared with him what I have done in the past, about my love life, and all that stuff. I think I've come to realize this past month that I really love and miss him so much. We're 9 years apart.

And I know deep down inside my heart, I am grateful for everything that has happened the past month. Because I know it has made me happier.

So I want to say thank you to you-know-who, for having the strength to do what I could never do in a relationship, which was breaking up. Because it transformed me and my life like a flick of a switch. And I like where I'm standing right now. On my own two feet and moving forward.