Just finished two articles this week. God, I'm tired. There's so much to do still. My list of things to-do keeps getting longer and longer. I also need to buy a new notebook/planner for work since I ran out of pages today. Maybe I'll just use the notebook Nick got me last year for Valentine's.

Didn't eat lunch today because I didn't feel like going with my colleagues to Thammasat area. I'm trying to go on a diet too (but that's not really new, is it?)

I also witnessed a car burning on a bridge over the Chaophraya river this morning. I can't remember the bridge's name. It was crazy! The entire front half of the car was engulfed in flames and it took the firemen a few tries to stop it. It's also quite amazing that motorcycles, cars and pedestrians were still passing by the car and the area wasn't sealed off since there could've been an explosion if the fire reached the gas tank. Where's the rain when we needed you?

I'm still thinking about the Singapore deal and haven't really decided yet as I'm still trying to sweeten the package. I guess I'll send them my response on Monday.

I have a sudden urge to go to the fortune teller again. But I don't know why since they never tell me anything useful.

I also bought the book Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer finally after more than two years of looking at it in Kinokuniya. I found it from a second-hand book store on Rambutree Road opposite Khaosan.

I'm also really into Indian prints these days. So I'm really looking forward to attend another workshop in Bangladesh end-October so that I can buy some cute skirts and dresses there.

Now I have to write my trip report since I went to Indonesia last week. I love getting a new stamp in my passport.

Fixing

"Now the other thing is my wife, Regina. She has been horribly hurt by my behavior, and when something happens like that, if you hurt a person and it's your responsibility, you try to fix it." - David Letterman

Letterman apologized to his wife, Regina, after he announced last Thursday that he had sex with somebody on his show. The producer was threatening to go public with this information if Letterman didn't cough up $2 million.

What I wanted to draw attention to was not about whether he apologized or whether or not he admitted to having an affair. I think I just wanted to make a point that if you hurt a person, it is your responsibility to try to fix it.

Anyway, my view on life is this - what's broken, remains broken. But I think trying and not trying at all to fix it does make a huge difference.

Me and my heart we got issues

Dodging the Other Way

I've noticed that usually when I see people I know (ones that I'm not really close to or just see on a very rare occasion), I'd dodge the other way so they won't see me. I don't know why I do this. I think it could be that I'm just too lazy to make conversation. Or I'm just anti-social.

Yesterday I was at the gym and I saw one of my ex-coworker from Siemens. I haven't seen him in ages. He used to be an intern there and we even went out a few times for drinks with other people. We promised to keep in touch when he went back to Germany. Anyway, I don't know if he saw me but I was trying to stay clearly away from him and his gang of friends. I see them looking my way a few times but I don't think he recognizes me or anything.

Winding Down

I'm glad to be tying up lose ends this months regarding work and visa stuff. I also have a slight cold so I have to deal with this annoying headache. I have two more weeks left of work before I'm outta here! I am so looking forward to my one month break... I'm glad things all worked out in the end.

Did I mention how I love to drive?

Woodstock

I can't find that picture of woodstock that I really like. It's the one I had as my MSN display picture for a while... The one where he stands alone against a blue background...

The Fortune Teller Around Chareon Nakhon

I went to see a fortune teller this past Saturday and I’ve got to say that it was quite weird. It was weird in the sense that some of the stuff she said was right on. But I also found it weird that there were some things she specifically said to me, but not to my friend, who also came from a similar background like me (e.g. studying in an international school, speaking fluent English, etc). I guess I wondered why she chose to say these things to me, and not her, and I wondered whether these things actually showed up in her readings. It was 300 baht and I thought it was worth the money as she spent more than an hour with me. For the first half hour she did some calculations with my birth date, and then for the next half hour she used tarot cards for specific questions. I think it's a lot more detailed than the one I went to last year around Tha Prajan as that one was a very basic card reading for 3 months ahead. My friends at work gave her a 70-80% accuracy rating. I think I would give her around the same.

Anyway, here’s a summary of what she said (and which parts I found weird):

- I have a lot of luck in terms of money and wealth (if I care or pay more attention to it). She said that I have a really high potential of winning the lottery until I’m 31. If I don’t make money from the lottery, then it will be from work or investments. However, she suggested that I start investing next year because I won’t get 100% returns if I start now.

- My luck (in money) began when I hit 26 (I found this weird because I started working at my current job then and I often wonder if this is related) and will continue to grow. She said that I will be able to make money all the time.

- *** Weird part. She said that when I was 18-25, I faced quite a number of problems (I think this was pretty true considering I felt pretty lost and confused bout my “self” throughout college and things didn’t improve until I hit 26 and towards the end of the year). However, she said, if I studied abroad during that time, I would overcome this and I would graduate with ease. (It’s weird because I wasn’t in Thailand when I was 18-25) She said that if I studied in Thailand things would have been terrible.

- I will get inheritance. If not from my parents, then from my partner, or partner’s relative.

- My partner will be a foreigner (and a good looking one also!). She said that a good looking partner will increase and boost my fortune. She said that my partner will be from the media industry or somebody working behind the scenes (e.g. an actor, singer, photographer, graphic person, etc). However, my partner will have health problems (allergies or trouble with walking).

- She suggested that I not buy empty land because I won’t be able to sell it. She suggested I buy gold or to just keep my money.

- *** Weird part. If I buy a car, I will be in some small accidents (this is true as I was in a small accident that dented the back of my car last year, and I’m always getting scratches here and there. Just this morning I ran over the sidewalk when I was turning!)

- I will make a lot of money. She said that I should always work for foreigners or for international companies/organizations. It doesn’t matter whether I’m working abroad or domestically, as long as it’s foreign. However, if I want to start my own business and do something similar to what I’m doing now, I will also be successful.

- *** Really weird part. I didn’t mention anything about my past relationships yet. But she started talking about my love life. She said that I was living with someone but we broke up. I was confused because I thought she meant Nick (since we’re practically living together as he sleeps at my place almost every night). So I told her that I’m still dating Nick. She gave me a weird look and said, “No, you guys already broke up. A while already too. And you were really hurt.” I just stared at her. The fortune teller continued, “The Thai one.” I think at this point I felt really weird, but I did tell her that we did break up. She said that my current boyfriend is a foreigner and he is very good to me. He is good looking, easy going, loves music and art. She said that if I’m with this one, I will be very happy. (How did she know I’m dating a foreigner?)

- She said that my children will be very good and rich. However, I won’t have many as I will have miscarriages. If I manage to keep the first one, he will be a boy. I will lose my second and third. My fourth will be a daughter. (And I wanted 5 kids!)

- My current job is stable. If I want to do something on my own, she suggested I do it as a sideline job. She said be careful about jealousy amongst co-workers.

- *** Kind of weird part. I asked whether I should change jobs since there might be an opportunity for me to work abroad doing something similar. She suggested that I shouldn’t change jobs now because new beginnings aren’t good for me this year. However, she said that if I do change, the new job will be just as good or even better. She said I will grow and earn more money. Still, there may be trouble with senior level colleagues so she wants me to change jobs next year instead of this year because I will receive support from my co-workers and boss then. I found this weird because I know this job will give me a lot of opportunity to grow, but I can also imagine having "some" trouble with this "future" boss from what my friends have already told me about her. I also imagine that I should be earning more considering it's an international post.

- I asked about Nick and what he thought of me. She said that he’s good looking, has sixth sense, is sensitive and really loves me. He’s a hardworking person. But he should be careful about falling from high places, car accidents with fire and hot water. Also, there might be a possibility that he will go abroad, may be for work, so we could be separated. Or it could be me that is moving abroad. She said that he's definitely thinking of starting a life with me and that there's new beginnings written all over. But she said there are still obstacles, for example, his health, where he is with life currently, and financially. Anyway, she said I won't get married this year.

- She said that in any relationship that I’m in, it will be fragile.

- Mother and father are OK.

- *** Pretty weird part! She said my brother is gay. (I think she’s definitely wrong here, but you never know…)

- *** Somewhat weird. I won’t have a huge wedding. It will just be registration. This is weird because I actually thought about not having a wedding before. I told my mom that I didn't want a wedding and she yelled at me and said that was absurd, unspeakable and would be disgraceful to the family.

- I can buy a condo now if I want (she said she sees me living in a luxurious condo and I was telling her I have no money! She said I’ll make the money soon.)

Anyway, I'm probably going to buy some lottery tickets this week. If I win, I will let you know!

Long Weekend

I'm looking forward to this last long weekend that I will have for a while until my one month break from work starting mid-July. Things to do this weekend:

Friday: Go to the gym at 2 PM and train with my PT. Meet my friends for dinner at Coffee Beans around 7 PM. Not sure which Coffee Beans though.

Saturday: Go to this fortune teller with Alice in the morning. Friends from work recommended her and said she was freakishly accurate. Go the gym in the afternoon. Then perhaps go over to Clare's house to hang out with some friends. It'd be nice to bring Ginger along so she can stretch her legs a bit.

Sunday: Go to Pattaya?

I feel like this weekend will go by fast again :(

It's Not Funny

When I keep seeing but remain unseen. It's so annoying. Let me not see too. So it's fair.

I'm having difficulty sleeping. Which is pretty rare considering how I usually fall asleep by 8.30, 9.00 or 10.00 most of the time. I haven't been up this late in a while, except for weekends. My throat has also been hurting because I caught my niece's cold. To tell you the truth, I actually like this feeling of being sick a bit, since I hardly get sick ever, except for my usual stomach aches. It's going to be a pain getting up in the morning for work. I just know it already. But I'm also feeling slightly unmotivated to go to work.

You know, I was just reading the Alchemist, by Paul Coelho, and in that book he was talking about changes. This was the part where Santiago went to Africa, got his money stolen, started working in the crystal store and the business was expanding really fast. And the store owner was scared, you know, of this change, because he was so used to the same old thing, the routine, the comforts of running a small store although he was so sick, tired and depressed of it because it was getting him no where.

"I don't want to change anything, because I don't know how to deal with change. I'm used to the way I am." He said . "Today, I understand something I didn't see before: every blessing ignored becomes a curse. I don't want anything else in life. But you are forcing me to look at wealth and at horizons I have never known. Now that I have seen them, and now that I see how immense my possibilities are, I'm going to feel worse than I did before you arrived. Because I know the things I should be able to accomplish, and I don't want to do so."

I really like the word possibilities. That was actually one of the reasons why I used that word in an early childhood photo contest at work, because there's so much possibilities for children to become anything in the future. And we are the same. No matter how old we get. No matter how long we've stuck to one job we hate. No matter how long you've been in a relationship that's dying. Once the change happens, the possibilities exist. And it's truly exciting. And liberating. And before you know it, everything that you're doing becomes a will to make that impossibility a possibility.

September 11, 2008. I created a vision. It actually sounded cheesy now that I think about it. To create a world where I can fall madly in love with. And to make everybody that is a part of my world, fall in love with it too. I admit honestly, that along the way, I think I did lose sight of this vision some times. There were times I fell back to depression, times where I became snappy and irritated, times where I felt so alone I started to cry, times where I just stared blankly because I don't know how to express myself. But you know, these feelings comes and goes. I still try though, whenever I revert back to my self, to move forward with my vision. The best thing I found was to really stick to doing a small number of things you really enjoy, and becoming good at it. It's really something ordinary. Like exercising to be healthy, stronger, confident and beautiful. Or reading to be in touch with other people's feelings. And blogging to at least keep one part of my dream alive. You know, that one, to write.

March 1, 2009. I turned 27. And a lot of feelings died that day. For example, I knew that I was no longer a hopeless romantic. I tried telling myself that I still was. After all, I've always called myself a hopeless romantic since I was a kid. That was probably the biggest death to the "me" that everybody knew, more than anything else. But I think we have different definitions to what a hopeless romantic is. I guess for me it means a person who believes faithfully in the concept of love. And that's the other feeling that died, or more like the ability to believe in anything. Words and love are probably my two biggest loves of my life. And that day alone, I stopped believing in the sanctity of words and love. For me, love became an earthbound reality. It was no longer an ideal. It lost its magic. And I moved on.

And today is April 2, 2009. Just another day that I have to go to work, go to the gym, eat at my parents, play with Ginger briefly, read a book, write, hang out with Nick and then go to sleep. It's really a simple thought and procedure, to do all the things that I want to do, that makes me look forward to the next day. And I've really come to look forward to the next day because it is filled with so much possibilities. You can do whatever you want with the minutes and the seconds. It's so exciting. How will the day unfold? Now that you have slept and awoken? You will never look at each morning the same way again when you realize the day's true potential.

Flat Tires

My friend at work just told me that my tires are really flat. I didn't even know I had to put air into the tires every 3-4 weeks! @_@ At first I thought I had a hole in my tires or something, but she said that it happens with cars because the air leaks out. We went downstairs just now to inspect the car and yeah, it looked really flat... I'm such a newbie!

Meetings and Moving

I'm so glad to get this week over with. I just completed an intense 3-day meeting yesterday. Feeling so tired but I still managed to wake up at 6.30 AM today. The meeting was held at the Four Wings Hotel and fortunately since we're the organizer of it we got a free room which I ended up staying in since I had to set up in the morning. Anyway, I'm definitely glad that is over although there's still tons to do starting Monday. Let me enjoy this weekend!

There's also a possibility that I could be moving to Singapore some time this year. But that's all still up in the air so who knows. It'll definitely be a big decision that I have to make though if that option comes up.

Identical Hand Twin

I just met my identical hand twin today. Some of you may have noticed but I have a bone that kind of sticks out on my left hand. If you look closely you'll see a round lump there. I have no idea how it got there. I've thought about it and concluded that I must've broken my hand when I was a kid and the bone didn't heal properly. Or something like that. Anyway, I just met somebody with the same hand as me, although it's located on her right hand! She's going to see a doctor today though so maybe it'll shed some light for me also when she gets diagnosed. I've never met anybody with this weird growth before. How exciting!

Somebody asked me a while ago, "Are you OK with not knowing what's going to happen in the future?"

I'll answer that tomorrow because I'm tired and going to eat my cake.

SCAD (Soi Cats and Dogs)

Today I went to the SCAD Volunteer Orientation after work and was pretty glad that I did. SCAD is a non-profit organization, which stands for Soi Cats and Dogs (it was previously more popularly known as Soi Dog Rescue), and is a great initiative to help reduce the number of stray cats and dogs on the streets. They do a number of activities ranging from creating awareness to the plights of strays in Bangkok, to promoting better animal birth control and being more responsible pet owners, to being a temporary animal shelter and providing health treatments, to being an adoption center for strays and finding loving homes for them. With the number of strays no doubt being a problem in Thailand, I think SCAD's really dedicated to solving this problem, or at least making an active attempt to do so.

They're always looking for volunteers so I contacted them and Carolyn, who's the Volunteer Coordinator, got in touch with me. I came in today and had a chance to talk to her and a few other core volunteers who were also there. Carolyn's actually a psychologist and her husband works at the UN ESCAP, such a small world. She really thinks I can contribute my skills (in developing communication materials, web site maintenance, helping out at events and providing translation Thai/English) so I really hope that I can help somewhat. She also needs somebody to help with designing these communication materials so I've suggested Nick who's a great designer (who did express interest in becoming a volunteer also). I think it would be really fun and good to work on this together, use our creativity and skills for a good cause. You know, to do something different during the weekend than just walking around malls.

Anyway, I'm pretty excited.

VGA

Finally got a cable that connects my laptop to the TV. Happiness! I can watch anime and movies on big screen now!

Spells

Spells of melancholy. I definitely can tell when it's about to hit me. And why even.

I keep spelling spells speels...

My Back

Made an appointment to visit a chiropractor (a Dr. Mark Leoni in Ekamai Soi 26) for Wednesday evening after work. I've had this nagging upper-back pain for a long while now (since sophomore year of college). Hope this helps. It's kind of expensive. 2200 baht for the first session and then 1700 baht after. I'm going to call this other place tomorrow around Sukhumvit 23 and see if this one is cheaper.

Cookies

Friday night I was over at Clare's house baking cookies! I think they came out OK although one of them was kind of mushy.

The first one I made had no flour, no sugar, no butter in them. Yeah, I know, doesn't sound like a cookie huh? It was a healthy cookie recipe I found online made from almond flour (I had to buy almond slices and had to use a food processor to grind it into flour), shredded coconut, oats and chocolate chips. It came out alright, I think.

The second type I made were wholewheat oatmeal cookies which I really like! It's also pretty healthy to eat. Nick likes the first one I made more, but I like this one more.

Clare shook her head and asked whether I was making these cookies for myself or Nick. Well I was making it so I can eat them too!

I really like baking. I wish I have a kitchen.