Fall Anticipated Anime

One of my most anticipated anime that will show this fall (October) is Nodame Cantabile Pari-Hen (or In Paris). This will be the sequel to the first season, which aired last year.

There was a whole lot of anime that focused on the music theme last year and this was one of the popular ones.

The plot centers around two characters in a top Japanese music school. Noda Megumi, a 21-year-old piano prodigy, who despite her talent wants to become a kindergarten teacher. She’s pretty wacky with a few screws lose in her head. She never reads the music notes but plays everything by ear. She’s really unorganized, poor and dirty. She’s also in the “reject” class at school. Everybody calls her Nodame, a portmanteau, or combination, of her family and first names. We learn later in the anime why she never plays according to the rules.

The second character is 22-year-old Shinichi Chiaki who’s at the top of the school and is very gifted in the piano and violin. However, his real dream is to become a conductor. His only problem is that he can’t leave Japan to go study in Europe where all the famous music teachers are because of his fear of flying since childhood. We learn later in the anime why he has such fears. He’s pretty bitter about having to stay in Japan as he watches his classmates move to the music capitals of the world to study.

So it turns out by chance that Chiaki got booted from the top class to the reject class because he got into a fight with his teacher, which led to the meeting between the two characters. It also turns out that they’re neighbors. Nodame falls in love with Chiaki immediately and proclaims herself as his girlfriend despite Chiaki’s obvious annoyance of the girl.

Anyway, the anime isn’t just about love but about facing your fears, past, taking risks and moving on. Furthermore, what makes the anime version of the manga a step ahead is the number of classical music pieces inserted into it (like Mozart, Beethoven, Rachmaninoff, Bach). It’s never really the same reading and watching these kind of anime if it’s about music (like NANA, Beck and La Corda) because you can’t hear it in the manga. And it’s always often the OST that makes the shows memorable.

So the second season picks up from last season and as you can probably tell, they’re off to Paris! Which reminds me… I want to go to France and Europe to visit some friends!

What Job Would You Do In Space?

What job you would do if you were in space? Take the test here on CNN. I got:

Everything Else Is Secondary

Yesterday night I went to Sweet Home Music, a music school at Fortune, and talked to a receptionist about taking guitar lessons. It'll cost 6600 baht for 12 hours (so roughly 3 months). Plus I'll have to pay 300 baht for the new student fee and 350 baht for the textbook. It gets cheaper if I can find other friends to take the lesson with me, but as of now, I'll be taking private lessons.

These days I've been incredibly motivated to pick up new hobbies that I've always wanted to try but never got around to do in the past because I kept procrastinating or have no money. Anyway, guitar was something I always wanted to learn. I've tried teaching myself at Penn State and remembered a few chords but I still have problems strumming and with rythem in general. I also haven't practiced so all I remember now is the C chord.

Liz also e-mailed me a commencement address by Steve Jobs at a university. I thought that what he said fits how I feel perfectly right now. Here's a few excerpts of what he said:

"You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."

"Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle."

"No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true. Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

Favorite Spring Anime 2008

There’s a lot of new anime that came out this spring (in Japan) and here are the ones I’ll be continuing to watch:

Itazura na Kiss – This is a fairly old manga (ran 1991-1998) but was just recently adapted into anime this month. It’s actually really successful in Japan but due to the mangaka’s unexpected death (I think she fell and banged her head onto a table while she was moving house – I know, really sad), the manga was left unfinished at volume 23. Anyway, this anime caught my attention because the artwork is reminiscent of old school manga (Hana Yori Dango, Ranma, Visions of Escaflowne, Orange Road, Marmalade Boy, Kodomo no Omocha) style so although the drawings seem a bit old (and not really my taste), it’s pretty nostalgic. Plus, it’s really hilarious. Plot-wise, it’s a typical shoujo classic where girl loves boy, boy isn’t interested, but boy begins to show some interest and warms up to the girl although they’re constantly fighting. And of course, their personalities are total opposites; the boy is a genius and cold, while the girl is dumb and loud. Now due to an earthquake, the girl’s house collapsed. Coincidentally, the girl’s dad and the boy’s dad are old pals so they moved into the boy’s house for the time being while the house is being rebuilt. And the drama begins. It actually starts out in their last year of high school but will move on to their college years. So in a way, I kind of like it that they’re moving away from the typical high school setting. Anyway, this anime is a good laugh so do check it out.

Kurenai – High school student by day, “Dispute Mediator” by night, this anime is about the adventures of 16-year-old Shinkurou Kurenai, who was assigned to protect and be the bodyguard of 7-year-old Kuhouin Murasaki, who comes from a very rich, very powerful, and very influential family. Since a baby, she has lived in the Inner Sanctuary of the family's mansion her whole life. On behalf of her mother’s dying wish, Benika kidnaps the girl and puts her in the care of Shinkurou so that she can see the outside world. Of all the anime that started this season, this probably has one of the best animations of all. The colors are very vibrant that it looks almost 3D (well at least to me). The character movements also seem very realistic, especially how Kuhouin moves around (putting on clothes, facial expression, eating). She’s incredibly adorable despite how she can be selfish and snobbish at times. The voice acting is also really great, especially Kuhouin’s seiyuu. She’s always asking curious questions like a kid but talks like a formal old woman due to her upbringing (for example, she refers to other girls as “that woman” in a very condescending tone). It’s also pretty interesting watching the both of them grow as we learn about their pasts and especially Shinkurou’s Houzuki martial arts ability. Moreover, I just like anime about poor people trying to survive in this chaotic and mysterious world and this anime does a pretty good job at showing how Shinkurou tries to make ends meet with such limited money. I also really like the opening and ending sequences, great music and colorful animation. I’m trying to find Kurenai wallpapers but I keep getting hits of Kurenai, the ninja from Naruto instead.

Macross Frontier – Just like its other Macross franchise, Frontier’s got impressive mecha and memorable music. My favorite is still Macross 7 because nothing beats Nekki Basara and his Firebomber band. Also, I’m not really particular on the animation’s drawings, especially Ranka’s weird green hair-do. Still, the music lends a grateful hand to the franchise’s immense success and any true Macross fan will surely not miss this as it is produced by Yoko Kanno (famous for her music in Cowboy Bebop). Though the ships and mecha look really good, its 3D feel and appearances are a weird combination against the background’s flatness. In general, the characters don’t really appeal to me, nor does the plot, but I’m just watching it because it’s part of the Macross world and for the music.

Other new anime that I watched were Nabari no Ou, Soul Eater and Amatsuki but they didn’t impress me that much. There are still a few others that I still want to watch including Tower of Druaga, xxxHolic 2, and Lelouch 2 but I still haven’t found time to dl them yet.

LifestyleBK

Just received a call from Nakul this afternoon saying that the editors in Hong Kong gave a nod to me writing freelance for LifestyleBK, an online magazine. I'll probably be writing articles for the Health and Beauty section, and maybe Culture.

I don't really know how well the online magazine is doing in Hong Kong in terms of popularity and hits but first impression-wise, I thought the articles were pretty informative and the design very urban and chic. There's an online version for Hongkies and a few other Asian cities as well. Now that they're expanding to Bangkok, it should be pretty exciting to watch whether the readership will soar or not.

Anyway, I think it'll be a good source of information for Bangkokians to rely on, apart from the weekly Guru and BK Magazines. Even better, the articles are updated on a daily basis. It also has a Members Only area where readers can interact with one another, exchanging information about various events, reviews, night clubs, restaurants, photos, etc.

Right now the content about Bangkok is still pretty limited since they only started, but once it starts gathering more articles it should be a good site to bookmark in your favorites.

New Washing Machine

Finally bought a Panasonic 8 KG washing machine. Now I don't need to haul my dirty clothes to my parent's house during the weekend any more. What a relief!

I was contemplating between the Samsung 6.5 KG one, which was on sale for 5,990 baht and this one for 9,990 baht.

I probably would've gone for the cheaper one but since my dad bought it for me, and because my mom insisted on getting a bigger one, I chose the Panasonic one instead. It's being delivered today. My brother also suggested that I get a dryer, but I said no... It's Thailand!

Massage School This Weekend

So this weekend I'll be off on a press trip (Saturday-Sunday) with Toey to the Chetawan Thai Traditional Massage School, which was awarded the Memory of the World 2008 by UNESCO. Along the way we'll also be visiting Wad Rai King in Nakorn Pathom and Amphawa in Samut Songkram. I've been dying to get out of Bangkok since March so I'm really looking forward to this. I'll be posting up pictures and what not of the trip later next week.

On Happiness and the Ego

My emotions can go up and down in a matter of seconds, like a bumpy road or a rollercoaster ride. Usually I just feel OK. And more often I just feel like rain drops, always falling down. How fast or slow, heavy or soft, depending on the cloudiness within.

I truly believe that there is no memory worth forgetting, but then again, there are times that I wish I can just forget. To wake up and find that you’re a clean slate, tabula rasa style, so that I can be born again with no innate or built-in mental content, so that all my experiences of the outside world, and who I was, disappears. Would I become the same person? Will I have this same personality? Will my values remain unchanged?

If you took Psychology class, which is one of my favorite subjects in school, you might remember the word ego. What is ego? Ego is the self that has been modified by the external world. It’s the scars that have been left on you, ugly marks that cover up who you really are. It’s the little things, those little events that characterizes you, what you did, what you said, what you didn’t do. Your likes, dislikes, loves, and hatreds. It’s your history that you can’t let go of. They are your memories, your hopes and dreams. They determine your habits, hobbies and mannerisms. All of this makes up your ego, your identity.

Memories of being hit, being abandoned, being stifled, not being able to express your emotions, being different, being forgotten, being insignificant, being ugly, being alone, being compared, being useless, never being good enough, being pathetic all adds to your ego. It governs how you react or adapt in the present.

Internally, it’s turmoil. It’s a gray landscape, hard dirt, with a lone crow flying, cawing, with tumbleweeds, a skeleton of a shrub, caught against a barbed fence interlacing the dreary place.

Uneasiness and confusion, it’s a disorder that I can’t put my hands on. My mind wanders, my eyes turn blank, and I start seeing things that are no longer there. If my heart can be illustrated, it’s like living in an oil painting with thick, hard frames. All that I can see, all that I can be, is limited within those frames.

I guess in a way I’ve come to realize that it could be an identity problem. An identity crisis. A war between what I am, my core essence, and what I’ve become.

I’m always doing a lot of research on the Internet and reading books, hoping that someday I’ll find a reason for feeling like this. It’s as though I just want to find whether there is something wrong, an illness, a slight chemical imbalance, a name to it, or whether I just work and think this way.

A German Man and Two Boys

From The Nation:

"Pattaya, Chon Buri - A German university lecturer was arrested here early Wednesday for allegedly having sex with two underage boys. Wolf Rudiger Engelke, 67, was arrested in the act with a 15-year-old boy and a 13-year-old boy inside an apartment at 1 am. Alerted by informant, police raided the room and found the three inside the bed. The two boys said Engelke promised to give each of them Bt500 in exchange for sex. Police said the German is a lecturer of a university in Phitsanulok."

Like I said, all the freaks of nature, pedophiles, criminals, and fugitives come to Thailand.

Even the Austrian man who was arrested for rape and imprisoning his own daughter for 24 years was on a beach in Thailand for vacation, getting a massage. Makes me wonder what other things he got while he was here.

A Nameless Inscription

It wasn’t until recently that when I glance out the window
The eyes that reflected back were dark, indifferent and mellow
Your words were emptiness
Without a tinge of regret you utter, not thinking of the mess
And built to perfection, the frailty of words, I lie
Thinking of nothing but thoughts of desolate dolls that cry

I hit the glass, the shattered reflection
I keep you in mind, those feelings that fall
Is a cut that buries that marked imperfection
Of scribbled words on skin and endless walls

It’s a crowded room swept away by a tidal wave
Of dying lights that flicker among the silhouetted angels
Unchanging, the black warmth casts shadows within my grave
Beckoning, the depths of another place calls, in lulls

Running 30 Minutes

It felt so good to run for 30 minutes straight without stopping. I love the feeling of sweat dripping down my face, face flushed, body burning hot and my heart racing. I know, weird. I was never a runner and I preferred taking kickboxing, cycling or step classes instead because I get bored easily just running on a treadmill. Or even playing basketball or squash was more preferential than this. Still, I felt like it was an achievement of some sort. I'll fix an hour as my goal for the next month.

After college and coming back to Thailand, I haven't gone to the gym at all. But I started going again in March to True Fitness on Asoke Rd. It's not that bad although I miss the gym back at Penn State. Still, I think my two months of going to the gym is starting to pay off. It's great to feel healthier.

DOSBox

The opening sequence of Alone in the Dark

Last night, it took me about an hour and a half before I finally got Alone in the Dark to run properly on my laptop. I had so much trouble because I didn’t know what to do. I basically had to go online and search for step-by-step instructions, and there were so many, that I don’t even remember which one I followed.

I think this was what I did:

I created an old games folder in C drive and mounted that to the C drive in DOS by inputting C MOUNT C:\oldgames\.

Then I had to mount the Alone in the Dark CDROM to DOS by inputting D MOUNT E:\ALONEIN.

Next I typed C: to get into the C drive, then D: to get into the CDROM.

Then I installed it.

Finally, once the installation was done, I tried running the game by inputting C:\oldgames\infogram\alonein.exe.

The game and sound worked fine, despite other people saying that they had trouble getting the audio to work. So I was glad I didn’t have to mess around with the sound system.

The graphics were horrible and the voiceover sounded like a robot. I didn’t play the game yet because I had to do something else (like reading comics). However, I tried to run the game again but it didn’t work. It’s saying I have to mount the C drive again, which I don’t understand. Because it’s making it sound like I have to re-install the game all over again. Do I have to do this every time I quit and re-enter a game? I hope not. Well, will try it again tonight if I get around to it.

Seeing the DOS screen was pretty nostalgic though.

I tried searching for other ways to run the game in DOSBox this morning and another web site provided very different instructions than what I used last night. I guess I can try that one.

Earthquake in China

Yesterday, an earthquake occured in southwestern China, measuring 7.6 on the Richter scale at around 2 PM. Today, nearly 10,000 people have been confirmed dead. The earthquake could be felt even in Bangkok although I didn't feel anything (I work on the 36th Fl). I was actually downstairs eating lunch then. Employees who felt the earthquake recounted that the floor started shaking and that the buildings had to be evacuated. So who would have a better chance of survival if the building crumbled? Somebody on the lower floors or higher floors?

Do Ants Have Arseholes?

I was at Kinokuniya (Siam Paragon) on Saturday when I came across this book. The title and illustrations were so funny I had to stop and read through it.

I couldn't find the answer to the question posed on the book cover because we were too busy flipping through the pages, cracking up at the funny drawings of ants checking out their rears in the mirror.

But, after doing a bit of research on the Internet, the answer is yes, ants do have anal passages. Although they are probably the size of an atom.

Money Expo, So Boring

Yesterday I went to the Money Expo with Toey, which was held at the Queen Sirikit Convention Center. It was the most boring event/exhibition ever. There were tons of banks. Half the time I was trying to figure out what the Thai business/banking words meant in English. It's also amazing how many people were seen applying for credit cards. I wasted 2.5 hours of my life waiting for Toey to get his credit card, which KTB employee said would be available in 1 hour.

Actually, I wouldn't be surprized if a significant majority of the men that attended the event just went to look at girls who seem to be part of the bank "exhibition" themselves.

I am, however, looking forward to the Pet Expo, which should occur some time this year.

Alone in the Dark Trilogy

Successfully snatched the Alone in the Dark trilogy off the Internet. The only problem is that I can't run it on my laptop because the game is too old and needs to run in DOS. Anyway, just downloaded DOSBox and will try it when I get home after work. It emulates DOS and will automatically set any sound-system related variables, so that my sound system will work properly with old games.

Thai Managers Earn 10 Times Employees' Pay

This was in the Bangkok Post today:

"China, Thailand and Vietnam have the largest gaps between low- and high-paid workers in the world, according to a global study released Thursday by a management consulting firm.
Management last year made 11.8 times more than average staff in China, where the pay gap grew from 10.5 the year before, the Hay Group said. The rise pushed China from third place to first in the world rankings.

Vietnam's pay gap narrowed from 11.7 to 9.8, improving its rankings from the worst to third. Thailand remained second as it saw its pay gap rise from 10.6 in 2006 to 10.7 in 2007."

It's wishful thinking but I sure wish that companies in Thailand would pay more. I think it's easy finding a job here, but it's so difficult finding a job that I can be happy in.

I really want to work in the media industry here but when I look at what they are offering and what private global corporations are paying for Journalism or Communications graduates, there's just too much of a gap. I know, I sold my soul to corporate for money. I'm greedy and ambitious, what else can I say?

Part of it is because I'm always putting pressure on myself to do better, it's quite tiring, really. I always think that I should be earning more considering what I could be getting if I worked abroad.

I didn't expect to earn much anyway when I decided to major in Journalism. But I didn't think how ridiculous it would be in Thailand. Back then, when I was younger, and deciding for college what I wanted to become. I said to myself that money shouldn't be an issue. It should be what I love doing. I was hopeful and naive. But it does matter now. For me at least, since I have to pay everything myself. And although I don't have a family right now, I do know that I have to support other people later.

Sometimes I wish I was born rich so money wouldn't have to be an issue.

I need a job that's meaningful. And by meaningful, it doesn't mean saving tons of money for the company by developing a business platform that saves cost internally. Although the company I'm in does try to develop innovations for society, I'm not the one doing it hands-on.

Anyway, I'm trying to find some freelance writing jobs.

Today’s Word: Fragile

As I sat on a motorcycle on my way to work today, I saw a brown, scruffy dog, dead and flattened, on New Petchburi Road. My heart sank, I held my breath, I thought of my dog at home, and I grimaced at the thought.

When I think of my relationship with some friends, I also realize how fragile it is, and how it can easily snap like a piece of thread.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how fragile everything is these days. Life, bonds, hearts. I guess it’s a scary thought, thinking of things that are gone or broken.

On another topic, there’s a new RPG game call Fragile: Sayonara Tsuki no Haikyo (or Farewell Ruins of the Moon) set to release on Wii some time this year. I stumbled upon this game accidently and from what I’m reading it looks pretty interesting. I don’t own a Wii unfortunately.

The game’s protagonist is a boy name Seto. The setting is post-apocalyptic, a dark world covered with fog. He wanders the world, searching for survivors and a mysterious girl name Heroine. He battles with ghosts and demons that lurk among the fallen cities.

According to the game creators, the game will not be like Silent Hill (survival horror) but rather deals with human drama.

Escape From Ghost Island Article

Toey's article is in the Bangkok Post today. I try not to be bias when it comes to his articles and I always try to give my honest opinion about whether I think it's a crappy or a great article, but honestly speaking, I really love his style of writing.

I think that because he's never been to journalism school, his style has not been chipped and worn away by the limitations of writing in news format. His voice is always strong in the story and his words are always descriptive. I always told him that his stories have personality.

Anyway, he knows he's a good writer. Although it's too bad, according to him, that his calling was never to write.

Here's an excerpt of his article:

"Sometimes it's just not meant to be.

If life were a postcard the forecast would always be for clear skies, and every holiday you took would be all about sun, sea and sand. But the truth is that sometimes you're damn lucky to get two out of three.

After a seven-hour drive from Bangkok I stand on the tiny pier, looking out across the water. In the near distance is Ko Pithak, a small fishing community in Chumphon's Lang Suan district and my destination. I pictured myself enjoying the next couple of days, mingling with the fisherman, catching squid and easing myself gently into the tempo of island life. But on the horizon the skies are ominously dark. A thunderstorm is approaching with heavy winds and crashing waves to wash all those aforementioned images, along with a few tents and roofs, straight into the sea."

Death May Exceed 100,000

Just two days ago I was reading that the death toll from Cyclone Nargis in Burma was 10,000. According to The Nation, a US diplomat said today that it may have killed more than 100,000 people.

It's quite scary how fast the number may jump in just a matter of days. This tragedy reminds me of the Tsunami back in 2004. Although it's sad to think that there is more difficulty in getting aid workers into Burma because of the military junta's lack of support in facilitating international aid.

A Miracle Happens Every Month

Though we may think that miracles are the acts of God and that the chances of it occuring are very slim. J.E. Littlewood, a mathematician, contradicts that belief, saying that a miracle can happen every month.

I was doing a bit of research on the Internet and came across Littlewood's Law. It states that a miracle is an exceptional event of special significance occurring at a rate of 1 in a million. During the hours in which a human is awake and alert, a human being will experience 1 thing every second. For example, reading this blog, typing, yawning, etc. Additionally, a human being is alert for approximately 8 hours per day. As a result, a human will, in 35 days, have experienced under these suppositions 1,008,000 things. Accepting this definition of a miracle, one can expect one miraculous occurence within the passing of every 35 days. Therefore, according to reasoning, miraculous events are actually commonplace.

In my opinion, this is a great example of logical thinking.

He goes on to describe the Law of Truly Large Numbers, saying that with a sample size large enough, any outrageous thing is likely to happen.

We tend to disregard things that likely happen all the time, and only take note of things that happen on rare occasions, such as a miracle, although in actual truth, it may be happening on a regular basis.

That Bathroom Girl

Every time I go to the bathroom at work I see the same girl. It's weird. It's as though our bladder functions at the same time.

Or is there a deeper and hidden message in our frequent bathroom encounters? Hmmm....

There was this book I read a few years ago during college, The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield, which says that there are no coincidences in life, and that there may be a deeper meaning to what we may think are coincidences.

This event is also known as Synchronicity. It is an experience in which two unrelated events occur in a meaningful manner.

This idea or philosophy was developed by Carl Jung, who suggested that a larger framework plays a part in synchronous events. By this, he means that the coincidental events that occur is actually a manifestation of parallel events that occur in the past, that there is a governing dynamic that isn't necessarily governed by chance.

Jung's favorite quote about synchronicity is from Through The Looking-Glass by Lewis Carroll:

"It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards." - The White Queen, talking to Alice

Books I Want to Read

Prozac Nation - Elizabeth Wurtzel
The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
The Turn of the Screw - Henry James
An Occurence at Owl Creek Bridge - Ambrose Bierle

Ordinary Me

After last night, I think I should pick and choose who I talk to about my issues more. There’s always a sense of regret when I talk to him about it. I think it’s because he can’t handle the intense and depressed me. And I just come out of the conversation feeling as though I just made a big mistake. It’s as though he’d look at me, judge me, and think, “Damn silly girl, you’re crazy.”

I’d love to be just that girl who goes out with friends, partying, drinking, playing games, and reading comics, carefree throughout the day, but sometimes I just can’t. I remind myself each and everyday that I don’t have to feel this way. And sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

I hate it when he tells me that I should just go out more and have fun. I feel that it’s such a thoughtless answer.

Yeah, I really should just act ordinary around him. The next time he asks how I am, I’ll just say, “I’m fine.”

Coach Taylor

"Give all of us that are gathered here tonight the strength to remember that life is so very fragile. We are all vulnerable. And we will all at some point in our lives fall. We will all fall. We must carry this in our hearts. That what we have is special. That it can be taken from us. And that when it is taken from us, we will be tested. We will be tested to our very souls. It is these times. It is this pain. That allows us to look inside ourselves." - Coach Taylor, Friday Night Lights, Episode 1

Honestly, What Will Become of Me?

In the end, our relationship became too much of hurting each other’s feelings.

It’s difficult to keep expectations at bay. It’s so complicated.

It was suddenly a game that tested how we felt for each other.

"Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be
And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby" - Nelly Furtado