On Living

I finished the book, Life of Pi. It was such a good read. I haven't read anything this good in a long, long while. I'm so happy I bought this. Anyway, I was trying to find this part that I really liked in the book and I finally found it. Here it is:

"I speak in all modest as I say this, but I discovered at that moment that I have a fierce will to live. It's not something evident, in my experience. Some of us give up on life with only a resigned sigh. Others fight a little, then lose hope. Still others - and I am one of those - never give up. We fight and fight and fight. We fight no matter the cost of battle, the losses we take, the improbability of success. We fight to the very end. It's not a question of courage. It's something constitutional, an inability to let go. It may be nothing more than life-hungry stupidity."

On Farewells

"What a terrible thing it is to botch a farewell. I am a person who believes in form, in the harmony of order. Where we can, we must give things a meaningful shape. I'll tell you, that's one thing I hate about my nickname (Pi), the way that number runs on forever. It's important in life to conclude things properly. Only then can you let go. Otherwise you are left with words you should have said but never did, and your heart is heavy with remorse." Life of Pi

Train Ride

I just remembered my dream last night when I was looking up stuff on Malaysia's transportation system for my trip to Malaysia next month. In the dream, I was trying to go somewhere (I think I was actually trying to get to Bukit Bintang, which is an area in Malaysia) from my hotel. I wasn't sure which train to board and I thought that the line I was waiting for will take me there. Anyway, I got on the train/monorail and about two stops I realized it was the wrong line. So I got off and then I tried to figure out which train to go on next. I couldn't figure it out and when I asked people around me they didn't know. So I felt really lost and anxious then.

You can probably tell I'm thinking about Malaysia a lot since I'm even dreaming about it now!

Train: To see a train in your dream, represents conformity. You are going along with what everyone else is doing. Or you have a need to do things in an orderly and sequential manner. In particular, if you see a freight train, then it refers to the burdens and problems that you are hauling around. It is also symbolic of manual labor.

If you see a passenger train, then it relates to mental work. If you see or play with a model train in your dream dream, then it indicates that you want more control and power over your own life and where it is headed. Alternatively, your dream of trains may be a metaphor that you are "in training" for some event, job or goal.

To dream that you are on a train, symbolizes your life's journey. It suggests that you are on the right track in life and headed in the right direction. Alternatively, you have a tendency to worry needlessly over a situation that will prove to work out in the end.

To see or dream that you are in a train wreck, suggests chaos. The path to goals are not going according to the way you planned it out. Or you may be lacking self-confidence and having doubt in your ability to reach your goals.

To dream that you are the engineer, signifies that you are in complete control of a particular situation in your waking life.

To dream that you miss a train, denotes missed opportunities or nearly escaping your death.

Lost: To dream that you are lost, suggests that you have lost your direction in life or that you have lost sight of your goals. You may be feeling worried and insecure about the path you are taking in life. Alternatively, you may be trying to adjust and get accustomed to a new situation in which the rules and conditions are ever changing.

To dream that someone else is lost, represents unresolved issues or feelings regarding the person that is lost. Consider also what aspect of that person you may have lost within your own self. Perhaps you need to recapture and re-acknowledge those aspects.

Malaysia and Borneo

I have to go to Kuala Lumpur for a conference next month from the 14-17 and I'm thinking of going there earlier in order to explore Malaysia a bit more since I didn't get to last time! I might be leaving on the 11th (since I have 13th off anyway). I might even consider going as early as the 9th or 10th so that I have time to travel to Borneo also and visit some of the breathtaking sites like Mt. Kinabalu, the highest mountain in Southeast Asia and some wildlife sanctuary reserves to see the Wild Man of Borneo (the orangutans) and other animals/faunas. I'm so excited about this trip. I might also stay longer in Kuala Lumpur and come back on the 19th (Sunday) so I can visit Malacca, which my brother said is a really nice city and a UNESCO World Heritage Site.

Anyway, I'm not sure if Nick will be able to come with me. I hope he can. But if not I guess I'll try travelling alone. Does anybody want to come? Malisa?

Borneo looks amazing! Check out details about Borneo below.

http://www.borneo.com.au/index

The Elevator

I had a somewhat scary dream last night. I boarded a really creepy looking and old/rusty metallic elevator which was quite small. The scene looked like something from the Matrix. Dark, wet and dangerous. Just when I got on two men came in. One was of medium built and the other was slightly big. I felt really claustrophic in the elevator. It was ascending upwards and we were trying to get off at one of the floors but it wouldn't stop. Finally when it stopped, one of the men yanked the elevator door open and pushed a wooden plank out so that it formed a bridge to the landing. We gingerly stepped out. We were outside in a clearing but it was dark. Small shrubs and trees were seen scattered around us.

Elevator: To dream that you are ascending in an elevator, suggests that you will quickly rise to status and wealth. You may have risen to a higher level of consciousness and are looking at the world from an elevated viewpoint. Descending in an elevator, suggests that you are being grounded or coming back down to reality. It also signifies setbacks and misfortunes.

The up and down action of the elevator represents the ups and downs of your life. It also symbolizes emotions and thoughts that are emerging out of and submerging into your subconscious. Alternatively, the dream may have sexual connotations.

To dream that the elevator is out of order or that it is not letting you off, symbolizes that your emotions have gotten out of control. It may be a reflection of your life or your career. You are feeling stuck in some aspect of your life, whether it is your career, relationship, etc.

Life of Pi

This is my favorite new book. I haven't finished it yet but I'm about half way through it now. I've laid my eyes on this book for years already, probably since it came out, but never came around to buying it. It's one of those books where the words really leaves a smart imprint inside you. It's definitely one of those books where you flip back to the pages where the words were so strong that you couldn't help but re-read it again, and even possibly write it down for further referencing. If anything, I think it has such a unique perspective on religion, life and animals. I'm definitely not a religious person. But reading Life of Pi actually made me appreciate the mysteries and wonders of religion more. It's really hard for me to describe why I like it so much. But it's honest, funny, sad, interesting and serious at the same time. And I guess that's what I think life is about, I suppose.

It's about an Indian boy name Piscine Molitor Patel. His name really cracks me up as it reminds me of a dental cavity. But he gets teased so much in school (people were calling him Pissing Patel) that on his first day of his new school he scribbled on the chalkboard, "My name is Piscine Molitor Patel, known to all as Pi. Pi = 3.14." And then drew the symbol that looked like a slanted shack with a dented roof. He grew up in a zoo, which his family owns. He went on to study zoology and religious studies in Canada. He is a Hindu, a Muslim and a Christian.

Some things he said about animals that I thought were really interesting:

"I have heard nearly as much nonsense about zoos as I have about God and religion. Well-meaning but misinformed people think animals in the wild are 'happy' because they are 'free'... This is not the way it is. Animals in the wild lead lives of compulsion and necessity within an unforgiving social hierarchy in an environment where the supply of fear is high and the supply of food low and where territory must constantly be defended and parasites forever endured. What is the meaning of freedom in such a context? Animals in the wild are, in practice, free neither in space nor in time, nor in their personal reations."

"I know zoos are no longer in people's good graces. Religion faces the same problem. Certain illusions about freedom plague them both."

When Pi met an atheist:

"Some people say God died during the Partition in 1947. He may have died in 1971 during the war. Or he may have died yesterday here in Pondicherry (Pi's hometown) in an orphanage. That's what some people say, Pi. When I was your age, I lived in bed, racked with polio. I asked myself every day, 'Where is God? Where is God? God never came. It wasn't God that saved me - it was medicine. Reason is my prophet and it tells me that as a watch stops, so we die."

Pi on comparing atheists and agnostics:

"It is not atheists who get stuck in my craw, but agnostics. Doubt is useful for a while. We must all pass through the garden of Gethsemane. If Christ played with doubt, so must we. If Christ spent an anguished night in prayer, if He burst out from the Cross, 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?' then surely we are also permitted to doubt. But we must move on. To choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immoblity as a means of transportation."

On religion:

"We are all born like Catholics, aren't we - in limbo, withour religion, until some figure introduces us to God? After that meeting the matter ends for most of us. If there is a change, it is usually for the lesser rather than the greater; many people seem to lose God along life's way."

And the way he describes Hinduism is beautiful:

"First wonder goes deepest; wonder after that fits in the impression made by the first. I owe to Hinduism the original landscape of my religious imagination, where those towns and rivers, battlefields and forests, holy mountains and deep seas where gods, saints, villains and ordinary people rub shoulders, and, in doing so, define who and why we are."

And I love his take on Jesus Christ, and the comparison between Hinduism and Christianity:

"I couldn't imagine Lord Krishna consenting to be stripped naked, whipped, mocked, dragged through the streets and, to top it off, crucified - and at the hands of mere humans, to boot. I'd never heard of a Hindu God dying. Devils and monsters did, as did mortals, by the thousands and millions - that's what they were there for. Matter, too, fell away. But divinity should not be blighted by death. It's wrong. The world soul cannot die, even in one contained part of it. It was wrong of this Christian God to let His avatar die. That is tantamount to letting a part of Himself die. For if the Son is to die, it cannot be fake...Why would God wish that upon Himself? Why not leave death to the mortals? Why make dirty what is beautiful, spoil what is perfect? Love."

"This Son (Christ), on the other hand (when compared to a Hindu God), who goes hungry, who suffers from thirst, who gets tired, who is sad, who is anxious, who is heckled and harassed, who has to put with followers who don't get it and opponents who don't respect Him - what kind of a god is that? It's a god on too human a scale, that's what. There are miracles, yes, mostly of a medical nature, a few to satisfy hungry stomachs; at best a storm is tempered, water is briefly walked upon... This Son is a god who spent most of His time telling stories, talking. This Son is a god who walked, a pedestrian god - and in a hot place, at that - with a stride like any human stride; and when he splurged on transportation, it was a regular donkey. This son is a god who died in three hours, with moans, gasps and laments. What kind of a god is that? WHat is there to inspire in this Son? Love."

And that was why he turned Christian, because he found Christ, whose humanity to be so compelling.

Pi also turned Muslim a year later:

"I challenge anyone to understand Islam, its spirit, and not to love it. It is a beautiful religion of brotherhood and devotion."

And the last thing I read before I started typing here that I thought was interesting:

"Why do people move? What makes them uproot and leave everything they've known for a great unknown beyond the horizons? Why climb this Mount Everest of formalities that makes you feel like a beggar? Why enter this jungle of foreignness where everything is new, strange and difficult? The answer is the same the world over: people move in the hope of a better life."

I don't know if this is true for many people or not. But I guess for me, who wants to travel and have been travelling a lot, there is a ring of truth to it.

Snakes and Gym

I had another dream last night. I don't remember much except that there was a big snake in my dream.

Snake: To see a snake or be bitten by one in your dream, signifies hidden fears and worries that are threatening you. Your dream may be alerting you to something in your waking life that you are not aware of or that has not yet surfaced. Alternatively, the snake may be seen as phallic and thus symbolize temptation, dangerous and forbidden sexuality. If you are afraid of the snake, then it signifies your fears of sex, intimacy or commitment. The snake may also refer to a person around you who is callous, ruthless, and can't be trusted. As a positive symbol, snakes represent healing, transformation, knowledge and wisdom. It is indicative of self-renewal and positive changes.

I also just paid 18,500 baht for 24 classes of personal training at the gym. This comes to about 770 baht per class. Nick looked at me with disapproving looks when I told him what I did this morning.

I had a talk with my PT today and I really like him. He seems to listen to me and really knows what to do with regards to how I want my body to look. I was complaining to him that I've been gaining weight although I've been going to the gym frequently. He said that my progress has been good if I was a GUY!

Anyway, he wants me to focus on fat loss and toning instead of muscle building (I wasn't even focusing on that!) so he's going to build a program for me that uses free weights, cable, kinesis and power plates because it's more challenging. He was saying that although I'm gaining muscles, I'm also gaining fat so I need to reduce that.

I've never used a PT before so I guess I just want to try. I've been going to the gym but I don't really have any program and I've just been doing stuff randomly. Lets see my progress in 1-2 months! He also told me to stop eating at night :( and said that I can eat as much as I want during the day time but to stop after dinner. See the thing is, I really watch what I eat, but it's still not working. Last night I told my PT that I was eating cereal and he was saying I should stop because I shouldn't be eating that at night! Milk is OK, but not with cereal. *sigh* I asked him what fruits to eat at night and he suggested pears and watermelon.

Ahn wants to eat at Dubliners tonight... I hope they have something healthy there... I bet I'm just going to end up eating a burger.

Flat Tires

My friend at work just told me that my tires are really flat. I didn't even know I had to put air into the tires every 3-4 weeks! @_@ At first I thought I had a hole in my tires or something, but she said that it happens with cars because the air leaks out. We went downstairs just now to inspect the car and yeah, it looked really flat... I'm such a newbie!

Of Dreams (Again)

Before I forget my dream last night let me quickly jot it down here. Without going into details, I saw my uncle opening a new store selling Christmas decorations and I was trying to cross this massive and long bridge. Along the way I thought I saw my childhood friend who I've been saying that I want to meet up for ages already but haven't yet. I don't know how he looks like any more but whoever I saw in the dream I thought it was him.

Bridge: To dream that you are crossing a bridge, signifies an important decision or a critical junction in your life. This decision will prove to be a positive change filled with prosperity and wealth in the horizon. Bridges represent a transitional period in your life where you will be moving on to a new stage. Alternatively, the bridge may indicate that you are trying to "bridge" or connect two things together.

To dream of a run-down bridge, indicates that you should not contemplate any major changes in your life at this time.

To see a bridge collapse in your dream, denotes that you have let a great opportunity pass you by.

Uncle: To see an uncle in your dream, represents some aspect of your family heritage and traits. It may also symbolize new ideas and emerging awareness. Consider the idiom "say uncle" to mean surrender or admitting defeat.

Christmas: To dream of Christmas, symbolizes family togetherness, reunions, celebration, peace, goodwill, generosity, and human kindness. It is also representative of new beginnings and fresh starts. Consider also your own associations with this holiday.

Store: To see or be in a grocery or convenience store in your dream, suggests that you are emotionally and mentally strained. Alternatively, you may be brainstorming for new ideas or looking for the various choices out there for you. Alternatively, the dream may be a pun on what is in "store" for you. And thus it could signify the inevitable.

The last two is a bit off I think since I didn't dream of Christmas but of a store selling Christmas decorations or saw a grocery or convenience store. So they don't really apply to me. Anyway, I hope the bridge will signify something good coming into my life! *prays*

Twilight

Nick downloaded this and wanted to watch it last night. I really didn't want to because I preferred reading it first. But even when I was standing in Asia Books reading the first few pages a couple weeks back I was just turned off by it because it sounded like just another teenybopper love story between a vampire and human. Oh those poor souls who are forbidden to love each other because they come from different races. *boo hoo* Anyway, after watching half of it I guess I'll buy a copy of it just to see how better the book is than the movie, which was awful because the acting (I thought) was unbelievably crap. Bella and Edward looked constipated throughout half of the movie.

Bolt

Bolt is so cute!!! He reminds me so much of Ginger, especially the batman-like ears! I love Ginger so much! Go watch it~ Mittens is also such a cute name for a cat.

Meetings and Moving

I'm so glad to get this week over with. I just completed an intense 3-day meeting yesterday. Feeling so tired but I still managed to wake up at 6.30 AM today. The meeting was held at the Four Wings Hotel and fortunately since we're the organizer of it we got a free room which I ended up staying in since I had to set up in the morning. Anyway, I'm definitely glad that is over although there's still tons to do starting Monday. Let me enjoy this weekend!

There's also a possibility that I could be moving to Singapore some time this year. But that's all still up in the air so who knows. It'll definitely be a big decision that I have to make though if that option comes up.

I Ran Through Two Traffic Lights

Boom was feeling pretty tired and sick from driving in Ayuttaya so I drove for him a bit. The road signs and traffic lights in Ayuttaya are horrible! I didn't even see the traffic lights and I ran through like two of them. I was like already half-way passed the intersection before noticing, oh crap... it's red! Anyway, after the 2nd time I did that Boom went back to driving while I got booted to the back seat. Too many lives in my hands! I can't handle the pressure!

It's so hard not driving my own car! I'm really not used to driving a Honda Civic. Everything feels different. When I got into the back seat Nick had his damn seat belts on and he took them off when Boom started driving! :P That guy has so much trust in me.

Urinating

I had another dream again. Actually it was a sequence of dreams but I only remembered the last one. I was on a ship in the middle of the ocean and had to go pee so I was waiting in front of the door. I really had to go! I was bursting! Finally, somebody came out so I rushed in. The room was so narrow that my shoulders could brush against the wall whenever I turned around. It was really uncomfortable when I had to sit down on the toilet seat. Furthermore, I had my period also in the dream. And the bathroom was dirty. So I was urinating, and then all of a sudden somebody opened the door. I can't remember who it was now but I remember there were a whole bunch of people outside and they were laughing.

Then I woke up and hoped that I didn't pee in my bed...

So I looked up the dream interpretation again and this was what it said:

Urination: To see urine in your dream, represents the feelings you have rejected.

To dream that you are urinating, symbolizes a cleansing and release of negative or repressed emotions. Depending on your dream context, urination is symbolic of having or lacking basic control of your life.

To dream that you are urinating in public, symbolizes a lack of privacy in your affairs or your need to make a public apology or confession.

Menstruation: To dream of menstruation, indicates that you are releasing your pent-up tension and worry. It signals an end to difficult times and the beginning of relaxation. It may mean that some creative energy is being released or recognized. Alternatively, you may be denying your feminine side.

For women in particular, dreaming of their menstrual cycle when it is not time yet, may indicate your anxiety about your cycle or may sometimes signal an early or unexpected period.

Studies have shown that more vivid dreams seem to coincide with a woman's menstrual cycle. Dreams about being pregnant, giving birth, or motherhood occur more often while women are ovulating.

Ship: To see a ship in your dream, denotes that you are exploring aspects of your emotions and unconscious mind. The state and condition of the ship is indicative of your emotional state. If it is a cruise ship, then it suggests pleasant moods. If it is a warship, then you are experiencing feelings of aggression.

To dream that you are sailing the high seas in a ship, denotes that you are standing tall in times emotional turmoil.

To dream that a ship crashed or is sinking, suggests that some aspect of your life is out of control. You are expressing some fear or uncertainly within your emotional state. You are afraid of losing something close to you because of certain difficulties.

To dream that you abandon ship, indicates that you need to move on and let go. An aspect of your emotion is holding you back and it is time to leave it behind. Alternatively, consider the phrase "jumping ship", to indicate changing of sides.

Off To

Ayuttaya this weekend. The last time I was there was in 2003. On a free cruise for one of my trips that I had to write for Bangkok Post. That was a pretty sh*tty article though that I wrote.

Sunday I'll be going to Wat Sakaew, which is around there. My friend organizes this Children's Day at the school and is always looking for volunteers to help run the sports events and game booths.

Identical Hand Twin

I just met my identical hand twin today. Some of you may have noticed but I have a bone that kind of sticks out on my left hand. If you look closely you'll see a round lump there. I have no idea how it got there. I've thought about it and concluded that I must've broken my hand when I was a kid and the bone didn't heal properly. Or something like that. Anyway, I just met somebody with the same hand as me, although it's located on her right hand! She's going to see a doctor today though so maybe it'll shed some light for me also when she gets diagnosed. I've never met anybody with this weird growth before. How exciting!

About A Year Ago

I was probably lying on the beach, sipping free cocktails, playing on the swings, or riding an elephant. A friend messaged and wished me happy birthday. Then I later found out on my way back to Bangkok that his dad passed away. It was really sad. I later went to the funeral a week later. I no longer talk to this friend. Unless of course we bump into each other. Then a hello is fine. A simple how are you. An enthusiastic it's great to see you! But that's fine. At the end of March my grandma also passed away. It wasn't a great month. I think everything started going downhill after March. I cried so much since.

I remember one night when I went to Noriegas and Tapas. It was so crowded at Tapas that I lost this small cute duck plush doll wearing a bear suit key chain I have hanging on my bag. It has March 1 written on its belly. I was drunk. And I cried. I was so sad. I often cry a lot over things I put a lot of meaning into. Probably way more than I should.

Years ago Pete gave me a bunny. I can't remember for what occasion. But I put a lot of meaning into that stuff animal too. It was yellow. Very faded. It looked like something out of a Winnie the Pooh book. It was like my security blanket for a while. After we broke up, it took a while for me to put it away in a box. Along with the music box. The pink candle sitting in a glass on a rocking chair. A mug. And all that stuff.

Yesterday I saw and felt a number of things. I spent a lot of time with Ginger. I had to dogsit her because my mom was away. I really love Ginger. And I've only noticed then that to actually love something or someone or some dog comes with a lot of pain. I don't even really know why I'm crying. But I just know that when I look at Ginger, I can see it in her eyes that she recognizes me. And I guess that's more than enough reason for me to love her unconditionally.

Somebody asked me a while ago, "Are you OK with not knowing what's going to happen in the future?"

I'll answer that tomorrow because I'm tired and going to eat my cake.

Men are so full of shit. They say one thing and then forget about it.